Like Me, Judge Judy Thinks Litterers Should Be Given the Death Sentence

Illustration for article titled Like Me, Judge Judy Thinks Litterers Should Be Given the Death Sentence
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In a recent profile in the New York Times, Judge Judy donned a clip-in ponytail to speak her truth. The incisive television personality spoke frankly on all manner of subjects, like her thoughts on the criminal justice system, where she unfortunately believes we should always look first to the individual and not the system. (Expected and disheartening.) She drives a Bentley the color of “a Werther’s Original,” believes in the importance of community, and doesn’t care about getting older. I’d even speculate that it’s an interview ordained by the heavens, as it intersected perfectly with Judith Sheindlin’s transition to synthetic hair. Please, allow me to show you.


Here’s her conclusion, early in the interview, on the way that hairpieces have changed her life:

It gave her back some time, she said. There was less primping every morning and more time for the things she’d rather do: walking her dogs, reading the paper, watching CNBC to see what the implied open was in the markets. “Freedom that I haven’t had in 40 years,” she exclaimed. And all that for just $29.95! (She was still carrying the price tag in her purse.)

On writer Jazmine Hughes showing up in culottes:

“You’re going to be cold.”

On litterers:

“Ever been on a boat and you see these plastic bottles, and you see condoms on the beach? To me, that’s a death sentence.”

On having a membership to the Ritz Carlton:

“It gets you out of the house.”

On the importance of shaming predators through the #MeToo movement (and beyond):

“For so many years, there was no consequence for bad behavior. Now: You lose your job! And hundreds of millions of dollars! And you can’t make money for a while, and you can’t get a gig at a club. And we don’t care who you are. Nobody is indispensable.”


As the presidential race looms closer, I’d like to propose a new question be added for every Democratic hopeful participating in the upcoming, two-night cage fight: “What is your stance on litterers?” It could be the most important (and messy) inquiry of our time! As for the potential answers? Joe Biden would think we should find a “middle ground” since people “can’t help but litter.” Bernie Sanders would lead the death sentence policy discussion, and Pete Buttigieg would share an unhelpful anecdote about the time his husband accidentally dropped his Starbucks latte.

Read the rest of the profile here.


Strider Ryoken

Just let Bette Midler take care of litterers