Let's Talk About Whether Aliens Killed These Cattle in the Oregon Wilderness

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What do you do when you find a bunch of dead cattle, completely drained of their blood with some organs delicately removed, in the middle of the Oregon wilderness with no serious leads? You think aliens, of course!


NPR reports on a handful of young purebred bulls that were found at Silvies Valley Ranch, drained of blood with their tongue and genitals removed in a precise, surgical manner. “One caller had told us to look for basically a depression under the carcass,” the County Sheriff’s Deputy told NPR. “‘Cause he said that the alien ships will kinda beam the cow up and do whatever they are going to do with it. Then they just drop them from a great height.”

Interesting. So far there are no leads, but the County Sheriff’s office has ruled out bears, wolves, cougars, or poisonous plants, which is on the list of threats that could capably drain a bull of its blood, for some reason?


Here are some ideas of what could have done this, from the Jezebel staff:

  • Aliens, duh.
  • Chupacabra
  • Jersey Devil (“He went on vacation for legal weed and fucked some shit up while he was out there,” Jezebel managing editor Megan Reynolds says.)
  • Hills Have Eyes-style family who lives in the mountains and comes down when it gets cold to feast on cows
  • An attempt to create a local alien tourism business

What do you think?

Pop Culture Reporter, Jezebel

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I don’t know, but I can tell you what this guy thinks...