Let CupcakKe's 'Old Town Hoe' Remix Fuel Thine Weekend

Hell yeah: CupcakKe, “Old Town Hoe” (Old Town Road Remix) - I woke up this morning fully believing there’s no way to improve upon Lil Nas X’s country trap hit “Old Town Road”—especially after the Billy Ray Cyrus remix—but lord help me, I was so wrong, so naive, so young. After one listen to CupcakKe’s “Old Town Hoe” (Old Town Road Remix), I’m a new, sexy, mature woman. Let this be a warning: you will get the line “I’m gonna take your dick/Put it in my hole/I’m gonna ride till I can’t no more” stuck in your head. Trust me. Give in. Let it fuel you. —Maria Sherman


Ya, sorry: Offset feat. Cardi B, “Clout” - Though the concept of clout feels pretty passé these days—unless, of course, you’re an Instagram influencer, to which I say: sorry, at least you’re rich—Offset and Cardi B’s collaboration, “Clout,” kinda goes. I didn’t know I needed a verse from Cardi in which she raps, “I should run a whole blog at this rate/They using my name for clickbait” until right now. It’s like she just sees us, you know? Us being bloggers, of course. —MS

Y: Monica, “Commitment” (video) - Orange Is the new MONICA! One of R&B’s most reliable singers goes off about her desire for affection, good sex, effort, time, loyalty, sacrifice, assurance, love, and general commitment, all of which seem pretty elusive in a partner. So it appears that she shoots her mans in this video and goes to jail for it in a possibly ill-advised revenge fantasy. Monica is nothing if not gully and consistent. —Clover Hope

Thank you, next: ZAYN, “Stand Still” (video) - Like the entirety of Zayn Malik’s recent solo material, “Stand Still” is less sleeper hit and more, well, just sleepy. That said, I do think this song and its screensaver-y music video makes for quality background music and imagery. It’s relaxing, but it certainly won’t make you feel anything. Maybe that’s enough? —MS



Y: Judy and the Jerks, “Lard” - Since discovering Hattiesburg, Mississippi punks Judy and the Jerks and their latest EP, Music for Donuts, earlier this week, I haven’t be able to stop listening to either. This release is the best weirdo art hardcore release I’ve heard in a minute. Stereogum’s Tom Breihan compares the EP’s most bizarre moments to the B52s, and I can’t say he’s wrong. The 44-second “Lard” is my favorite today, that’s likely to change tomorrow. You can speed through in about 8-minutes, but what it lacks in length it makes up for in joyous, impulsive punk. —MS

Nah, not really: Aly & AJ, “Church” - This is the basic bitch that lives deep within me speaking, but I’m kind of okay with Aly & AJ’s major label indiepop rebrand. “Church” is sweet, soft, and wholly inoffensive—I could picture it finding a home on a small stage at Coachella, early on in the day, on Sunday. You know: they’re there, it’s fine, but whose watching? Still, the song is chill, and good for them for doing the reunion thing in a way that isn’t totally derivative of their 2006 banger, “Rush.” Plus, the opening line of “I do bad things for the sake of good times” hits pretty hard. —MS


I think so, sure: Ellie Goulding, “Sixteen” - Sharon Van Etten might be nostalgic for “Seventeen,” but Goulding wants that “Sixteen”-year-old reckless abandon. It comes across in her latest perfectly-produced pop single: there’s a lot of talk of getting out of her hometown and romantic infatuations, and that’s exactly what it sounds like, too. It’s fun, carefree and only marginally self-aware—just like adolescence. —MS


Absolutely not: Daddy Yankee featuring Snow, “Con Calma” (Katy Perry Remix) - Whoever approved this Katy Perry remix of Daddy Yankee’s latest single might actually be trying to sabotage her career. Did an AI write the first three lines of her opening verse? After uttering “Ay, daddy” over the opening beats, Perry intones: “¿Cómo te llamas, baby?/A little mezcal got me feeling spicy/I know that we don’t speak the same language.” The fact that the music video for this is an Animoji of Perry and Yankee should tell you everything you need to know: She hoped to insert herself into something that’s proven to be popular (Yankee has been making hits for YEARS) with the least amount of effort possible, really to the detriment of both herself and this perfectly good Yankee song. —Frida Garza



CupcakKe, “Old Town Hoe” (Old Town Road Remix)

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