We all knew Kelly Dodd was waiting to blow and blow she did (blowing’s what this conflict is about, after all) during Monday night’s Real Housewives of Orange County when, at a dinner party for Meghan’s last day as a non-pregnant person, Kelly called Shannon a cunt for not correcting a friend who says that Kelly sucks dick for money.
Again, it was not Shannon who said that Kelly sucks dick for money. It was Nina, a guest at Shannon’s ‘70s party, who threw out that particular barb—though, to be fair to Neens and Kelly both, most of these women kind of do suck dick for money! You think throwing pointless party after pointless party comes cheap? No, it certainly does not.
Anyway, something about Nina’s remark hit a little too close to Kelly’s activation button, causing her to lose her shit entirely.
“Could you imagine? You’re a mother and you’ve worked your whole life hard and you’ve never done anything wrong and you overheard some girls calling you a prostitute?,” she demanded, turning what I can only describe as an “Alex McCord” red (now available at your local Lowe’s).
Tamra then offered this helpful correction: “She didn’t say that. She said you sucked dick for money or something like that.”
First and foremost, these women WISH their occupations were as upstanding as that of an honest-to-god sex worker. Secondly, sucking dick for money (especially the type of money that allows you to live in a mansion on the beach) is damn nice work if you can get it.
But unfortunately for everyone, Kelly—who, as I’ve previously pointed out, is crazy in a scary way and not in a fun way—was not calmed by Tamra’s comment, though I can’t imagine why.
“Shut the fuck up,” she screamed at a perfectly calm Shannon, who, by sitting cool as cucumber with a “get a load of this bitch” expression on her face, only managed to get Kelly more angry. “You’re freakin’ cunt is what you are.”
While you’d think a room full of women who’ve—on camera—wet themselves, groped a male stripper’s penis, possibly lied about their boyfriends having cancer for sympathy, and thrown glasses of wine in each other’s faces would be pretty hard to shock, they really acted like the word “cunt” was a new low. (Trust me, it wasn’t.)
Kelly—turning on Tamra and calling her a “dumb fuck”—ended getting so angry that it literally looked like her skeleton was going to jump out of her mouth. Meanwhile, Heather was so disgusted that she had to leave and go ugly cry in the car.
(An aside while we’re on the topic of Heather: If you’re looking to communicate better with your partner, consider using her and Terry as a model for your behavior. Sure, your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife will become a workaholic fame whore with no interest in your children, but at least they’ll be able to translate your sobs into real sentences.)
I really have to hand it to the O.C. women. They’ve been on TV for a full decade and—boom boom boom, even brighter than the moon moon moon—never once have they gotten boring or let us down.
