Lara Trump Helms Inspiring 'Trump-Pence Women's Empowerment Tour'

Photo Credit: Getty Images
Photo Credit: Getty Images

In a limp attempt to convince women that Donald Trump will protect their best interests, his campaign has launched the “Trump-Pence Women’s Empowerment Tour.” Lara Trump, daughter-in-law to the bellowing lump of ear wax, helms this oxymoronic endeavor.

Trump and his running-mate Mike Pence seem to—finally—discern the contempt so many women voters hold for their Hieronymus Bosch painting of a campaign. And so, as The Cut explains, they’re attempting to remedy matters by anointing Lara Trump as an evangelist for the cause. She will tour with two campaign spokeswomen, Katrina Pierson and Lynne Patton, and two YouTube stars, Lynette Hardaway and Rochelle Richardson.

Trump’s campaign is very eager for us to note that four of these five women are women of color. Surely this roster should indicate to us that Trump is not, in fact, a racist misogynist troll. (It doesn’t.)


Unsurprisingly, the Women’s Empowerment Tour seems as conceptually slapdash as the rest of Trump’s campaign. “We don’t really have any idea what we’re doing,” Trump admitted at the kickoff event, “except we said, ‘We’ve got to go out and tell people what a great guy Donald Trump is.’”

I’m sure by the end of the tour, women will pour into the streets, donning the red robes of Margaret Atwood’s handmaids and reverently wailing Trump’s name at the sky.

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