Lance Armstrong Is the Worst Boyfriend Ever

Lance Armstrong, generally known for being an upstanding and honest individual in all areas of his life, committed a hit and run in December and let his girlfriend take the blame. Don’t ever let them tell you chivalry is dead, ladies.

According to an Aspen Daily News report, (via the Los Angeles Times) Armstrong was driving home from on the evening of December 29th from an Aspen Art Museum party when he hit two parked cars. His girlfriend Anna Hansen later lied to police about the accident, saying that she was driving the car and was unaware that it is illegal to leave the scene of an accident.

As she drove through the West End, she lost control of the vehicle and struck the parked cars on West Francis Street, she told police. Hansen then went around a corner, returned on foot and spoke to the homeowner, telling him she’d pay for the damage. Hansen and Armstrong were not injured.

“Hansen added that she believed that she completed her legal obligation after providing her information to [the homeowner],” Magnuson wrote. “I informed Hansen that she was required to immediately notify the police of an accident and return to or remain at the scene. Hansen told me that she was unaware of this law.”

Hansen claimed that Armstrong had too much to drink so she opted to drive. Police were initially skeptical of her story and it fell apart completely when a valet who worked at the St. Regis Aspen, where the party was held, told police that he saw Armstrong get in the driver’s seat when the couple left.

Hansen said that she and Armstrong made the decision together to lie to the police because they worried Armstrong’s involvement would turn the accident into a national story. Worked out well, didn’t it guys?

“I asked Hansen if Armstrong asked her to take the blame for the accident once they got home,” Magnuson wrote. “She replied, ‘No, that was a joint decision, and, um, you know we’ve had our family name smeared over every paper in the world in the last couple of years and honestly, I’ve got teenagers, I just wanted to protect my family because I thought, ‘Gosh, Anna Hansen hit some cars, it’s not going to show up in the papers, but Lance Armstrong hit some cars, it’s going to be a national story.'”

I feel like Lance Armstrong of all damn people should know exactly how the Streisand Effect works.

Either way, it’s not like Lance Armstrong is exactly Honest Abe as far as the public is concerned. I doubt taking responsibility for the accident would have made him look any worse than he already does. Ironically, taking responsibility for his actions in a timely manner might have been a refreshing change of course for Armstrong. But lying (yet again) and sloppily letting his girlfriend take the fall for his stupid mistakes, I guess some habits die hard.