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Rosé? Not today. Get out of my way. There’s but one sparkling alcoholic bev for which I’ll pay: it’s Lambrusco.

I was recently informed that Lambrusco is the new drink trend, and am experiencing my first official case of I Liked It Before It Was Cool. For years, I’ve had to withstand the sneers and jeers over cheese plates from jokers who can’t tell the difference between a frizzante Tuscan vintage and carbonated grape juice. No, I’m not a child drinking soda from a bottle. I’m a Woman! A woman who loves wine that tastes like it’s dancing in your mouth!

Sadly, a dip into #Lambrusco on Instagram and Twitter shows evidence that the preferred drink of my Italian grandparents is about to get absorbed by the influencers. They’re dressing it up in denim and pairing it with Doritos, for chrissake:

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Even local celebrities are mentioning it:

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I don’t begrudge anyone discovering something new and delicious, certainly; but with the rise in its popularity, my relationship with Lambrusco must necessarily change. In the past, I’ve brought Lambrusco to parties and watched people circle around it to grab the more familiar pink and white frothy wines, or opt for a staid, flat pinot noir. Their anxiety about consuming four ounces of fruit-forward wine meant more for me. I have brought and drunk entire bottles of Lambrusco at events for years, but the gravy train has been derailed.

If the trend continues and I’m forced to share, I expect other people to start bringing some. So here are my favorite and very dry (secco) and delicious Lambruscos. Please plan accordingly.

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Lini 910 Lambrusco Rosso is always a crowdpleaser for those who dare to sample something new and be pleased. It also features a charming image of Dionysus relaxing in his crown of grapes and a loose bed sheet. It even looks aged, like a scroll directing you to a bacchanalian orgy.

“Is this a secret message from Lini 910?” you’ll ask yourself in the mirror, completely hammered.

End of list. Actually, these ones are all pretty good, too. But don’t try to pass off seltzer and cabernet mixed together—I’ll know!