• Our Lady of the Gaga's chart-topping but inscrutable hit Judas is a total ripoff of a 1999 song by a singer named Rebecca F. At least that's what Ms. F claims. If you listen to both songs one right after the other, I guess that sound sort of similar, in the same way that every pop song written and sung in the same key is similar. If the prophesy holds true, Lady Gaga will deny the accusation three times before the cock crows, and then the sky will turn black and there will be an earthquake at noon and Lady Gaga will cover Lord of the Dance, an unsettlingly upbeat song about crucifixion that Catholics sometimes sing in church. [Express.co.uk]

    Charlie Sheen's character is going to die in a "meat explosion" on Two & A Half Men, and by "meat explosion," they mean he will get hit by a train and the impact will force his body into small pieces, not "meat explosion" like what happens when you eat Pop Rocks at a Brazilian Restaurant. [Buzzfeed]

    Following the meat explosion, Sheen will be roasted on Comedy Central. I hope they marinate him first, and maybe apply a nice spice rub, because I bet Charlie Sheen is as tender as a coked out lamb. [TMZ]

    Britney Spears is- well, was- in New York, where she left her hotel dressed like you doing laundry in your first apartment. [ONTD]

    Jennifer Aniston Britney Spearsed around in Hawaii, feet naked as jaybirds. In future news: Jennifer Aniston has hookworms. [OMG]

    Dexter star Michael C. Hall recently got divorced but says that he's just fine; he's got his cats to keep him company.

    I spend a lot of time with my cats. They're both boys, they're both very affectionate. Their names are Preacher and Ford. They're my four-legged friends.

    He then held up a crudely rendered crayon drawing of himself standing on a hill under a round yellow sun and holding hands with two human sized cats. Beneath the drawing the words "PREACHER" and "FORD" and "ME." The R's are backwards. [Showbiz Spy]

    Olivia Wilde learned how to be the alpha female from her mother, a producer on 60 Minutes. And she learned about looking up when entering a room from Hugh Laurie. Like many people, I've got a giant crush on Olivia Wilde, but she sometimes comes across as an earnest but precocious freshman who has a crush on a progressive senior boy and wants to impress him with big words and insistence that she's pretty but also so so so thoughtful. Like a never-been-kissed honor student's MySpace page. [Contact Music]

    Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski totally peaked in high school. I blame Zack Morris for the fact that for years- years!- when I was a kid, when I would play Barbies with my friends, I would name the male romantic lead "Zack Zimmerman." My Barbie loved Jewish guys with big phones. [TMZ]

    Marion Cotillard's stalker has threatened to kill her and is now in jail, which would be the perfect time to Inception her, and by that, I mean Tom Hardy and I go into the stalkers brain and tell her to knock it off while she's dreaming, and then we make out for awhile. [ONTD]

    In an upcoming episode of Kate Plus Eight Plus Desperation, Kate Gosselin tries to pick up a guy, but he isn't interested nor does he realize who she is. Kate's ill-advised decision to abandon her sassy suburban soccer badger haircut from 1980's movies about a future colony on the moon has second season of Felicity'd her dating life. [RadarOnline]

    Naya Rivera will be graduating from Glee along with her costars the rosy cheeked but boring straight guy whose singing voice isn't that good, the insufferable brunette, and the fictional gay who by whom America's lonely female teens desperately want to be told they're sassy and fabulous. [OMG]

    Ashton Kutcher received a standing ovation after his first live studio audience filming of Two & A Half Men, which sort of reminds me of how parents of potty training toddlers will applaud when their little one successfully takes a dump. [RadarOnline]

    Katie Holmes claims that her 5 year old daughter Suri is her biggest fashion critic. I'm starting to think that Suri is Katie Holmes' best and only friend, which is almost as gut wrenchingly sad as finding out that the Jack Russell terrier who played Wishbone died several years ago. [JustJared]


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