Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga
Image: Getty

I would let Leslie Jordan read me the phonebook (do we still have those), and then The Cheesecake Factory menu, and then the bottle of Dr. Bronner’s I have in my shower, and then the instruction manual for my Instant Pot that I refuse to throw away, and then the couple hundred emails in my spam folder, and even after all that I still don’t think I’d be tired of hearing him talk. He possesses the kind of magical ability to make everything that comes out of his mouth sound like something I need to hear, and thankfully, very often, it actually is.

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Like the deeply essential story he told on Instagram just yesterday about the time Lady Gaga mounted him in the woods. It’s my oxygen.

Jordan and Gaga (who, he said, asked him to call her simply, Stefani), were on set filming one of the thousand seasons of American Horror Story and were set to share a scene together where Gaga, as some kind of sprite, would tackle him in the woods then stab him. As you might assume, she was very Lady Gaga about the whole thing.

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“She took me in the woods right before we shot, and she said, ‘You know, I tend to sexualize all my acting partners,’” Jordan said, “I thought, ‘Where’s this going?’ Well, honey, she kicked me, rolled me over, and got down on me and started riding me... I didn’t know what I was supposed to do! I just laid there and thought, ‘How do I get myself into these situations?’”

This is, potentially, one of the greatest stories I’ve ever heard, and the visual picture it draws in my mind is a scene I hope to visit in a dream sooner rather than later.

Should you be so inclined, I’ve included part one of Jordan’s Gaga storytime right here, but you can find pt. 2 on his page, along with a story about Cloris Leachman yelling at him backstage at the Emmy’s that you certainly don’t want to miss. [Just Jared]

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In the world of monosyllabic lifestyle and wellness brands, there is one that reigns supreme. Goop, the operation started by Gwyneth Paltrow, has given people more than just jade eggs to put in their vaginas, it’s also given us a docuseries for Netflix where it looks like Paltrow is standing in a vagina. When you put those two things together, it seems like she’s pretty much got the market covered, and yet, new contenders enter the ring all the time.

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Not too long ago Kourtney Kardashian launched Poosh, and now, not to be left behind, it looks like Meghan Markle is relaunching The Tig, a lifestyle blog she shuttered in 2017 before her marriage to Prince Harry.

According to the podcast Royally Obsessed, an insider claims Markle is going to jump back into being a wellness influencer as a means of making money, now that she and Harry are trying to make it on their own.

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Honestly, sure, why not, go ahead. I’m sure there are dozens of people who would like to be told how to better their lives by Markle, and I’ll probably end up as one of them. My only advice is that she considers dropping the ‘The’ from The Tig. Monosyllabism does seem crucially important to the whole wellness blog thing, and I just want her to make sure she does it right! [Page Six]


I am putting Padma Lakshmi and Bad Bunny on my 2020 mood board immediately.  

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  • Happy birthday Princess Charlotte [Us Weekly]
  • Looks like Jessica Simpon’s daughter is about to learn a whole lot about her mom [Us Weekly]
  • The Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion is the Zoom happy hour I wish I was at [Page Six]
  • It seems like The Mountain from Game of Thrones could, well, move mountains [Variety]

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

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