TikTok has long been a tense battleground between wives and the women lusting after their husbands—and it seems that a new war has been waged, this time amidst the cornfields and the barnyards. Single women all over “yeehaw TikTok” are threatening to snatch up other women’s husbands if they don’t start treating him right, listing all of the country-style things she could offer him (ranging from practical to sexual) instead. Spoiler alert: Shit goes down.
Set to a remix of Morgan Wallen’s “Last Night,” these TikToks read like something between a personal dating ad and a professional resumé. “You might wanna stop treatin your MAN like trash, or else he’s gonna end up at my house with country fried steak, taters and a case of cold beer waiting when he gets home,” one woman writes while striking a pose in a black tee and jorts. “I’m 29, I come with diesel trucks, farmland, livestock & a built in waterfall,” says another, before straddling said truck in a plaid button down, jeans, and cowboy boots. You’re all probably thinking the same thing: Her “built in waterfall” is a thinly-veiled reference to her ever-lubricated vagina, which others are describing as their “pretty pink flowers.” Operator, get me the fuck off this hayride now, please.
Playing into stereotypical complaints that men have about “the Mrs.”—oft grumbled about with the boys over a cold beer at the bar after work—these women are presenting themselves as readily available alternatives who’ll happily pick up these women’s “slack.” “Y’all gotta stop telling your man you aint ‘feeling it tonight’ bcus Air Mattress Maddy is always ready,” another woman wrote over a video of her in a bra and sweats, shimmying her chest, before adding two “silly face” emojis.
Honestly, I find myself wondering why the hell we’re still fighting over straight cis men (arguably the most unimpressive of our species) in the year 2023, but these women have kicked up a quite a dust storm. The “wives” being threatened have reacted in ways akin to Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” threatening pretty remorseless violence against these women: “Yall think its cute to start a trend bout bein a homewrecker but this trucks already red your blood wont make a difference…ho3,” says one woman as she gets into her truck, presumably on the way to commit violence. Given the choice, I’d rather get my tires slashed.
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Of course, this trend has produced some legitimate hilarity. In response to the TikTok about getting a home-cooked meal out of cheating, one woman jokingly sends her late husband’s literal urn and a suitcase over to the woman’s house, calling out after him, “You better bring me leftovers!”
In a world in which young women are once again aspiring to domestic perfection as trad-wives and stay at home girlfriends, the proliferation of this puzzling, dystopian trend was only a matter of time. I get that online dating is hard right now, but is threatening to fight other women for their men really the best the way out”
That said, I probably wouldn’t say no to a plate of hot taters.