Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Michigan!

Miss Michigan has arrived, and Michigan government officials can suck it. On Sunday evening, Emily Sioma used her two seconds of airtime in her Miss America Pageant introduction to remind America that even years after it was revealed that an entire city put up to 12,000 children at risk of developmental brain damage with its poisoned water supply, thousands of people in Flint are still relying on bottled water for all of their necessities.


Or, as she put it:

“From the state with 84 percent of the US fresh water but none for its residents to drink, I am Miss Michigan, Emily Sioma.”

It is very nice to meet you too, Miss Michigan!

Actually, the Miss America pageant seems marginally relevant this year, or at least, has graduated from world peace etc etc etc etc. The pageant has been undergoing a bit of a rebrand since December, when leaked emails revealed Miss America Organization CEO Sam Haskell to be the kind of unimaginably hateful misogynist who uses the word “cunt” in jest; Haskell resigned, and newly-appointed leaders Gretchen Carlson and Regina Hopper have promised a “Miss America 2.0,” although Cara Mund, Miss America 2018, recently alleged that the two have bullied her relentlessly, and 46 state Miss America organizations have already formally called for their resignations, too.

In any case, they dropped the swimsuit competition in favor of more time for interviews, which have rewarded... independent thought.

Miss Virginia Emili McPhail won the preliminary interview competition on Thursday when she said that football players not only have a right to kneel, but that the protest is “absolutely about police brutality.” Do go on, Miss Virginia!


Miss Madeline Collins of West Virginia, whose state overwhelmingly voted for Trump, actually named Donald Trump as the biggest issue currently facing our country. “Unfortunately, he has caused a lot of divide in our country, and until we can trust in him and the choices that he makes for our country, we cannot become united.” She reportedly lost that round to Miss Massachusetts Gabriela Taveras, who said, when traveling, American tourists should let their host countries know that “we as Americans are supporting them and that we are there to help them.”

Especially if that destination is in Michigan, and it is Flint.



as a family we were disinterestedly watching celebrity family feud when the pageant began. at miss michigan’s introduction we cheered, rewound, cheered again, and rewound a third time to bask in this heroine’s bravery.

when she didn’t make the top fifteen, we turned off the tv.

so who won?