There’s a scene in The Matrix where Neo enters the construct with Morpheus and is told that everything he knows is a computer simulation run by vengeful robot overlords. If 2020 is a real-life simulacra of the movie Matrix, then I feel like the robot overlords are pumping our brains full of Kylie Jenner information while they slowly transform our life forces into batteries for their own existence.
In a different life, during the “before times,” the sight of Kylie Jenner’s teensy-tiny sunglasses outside Nobu was a familiar sight. Some could even say it was a staple of the celebrity ecosystem, with the not-billionaire flitting in and out of Malibu with a gaggle of influencers, less-famous siblings, and bodyguards. But nothing is as it was anymore. That world she once lived in has faded into memory. So why is she calling the paparazzi on herself outside Nobu Matsuhisa’s celeb hotspot like everything is back to normal?
OK, I don’t know if her people actually tipped off the paparazzi, but it sure was “coincidental” that they happened to be posted up outside Nobu Malibu last night when she entered with Caitlyn Jenner, Sophia Hutchins, and Harry Hudson. Perhaps the happy family was out celebrating her recent debut at the top of Forbes’s Celeb 100 list for 2020.
I think I’m just thrown out of balance from staying indoors for three months, because the images of Kylie stomping around Malibu in combat boots, slicked-back hair, and a bright yellow duster seem a million years old. Like I’m a small-town private eye looking at microfiche in an indie crime thriller called Spooky Island 3. The photos could have easily been carved upon a cave wall, or painted by one of those old dudes they named the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles after. These are not pictures taken and sold yesterday, amidst a global pandemic and uprising.
In The Matrix, all you had to do was ask yourself to “wake up,” right? (I haven’t seen it in a long time.) Anyway, wake up, Joan. Wake up! Wake up!!! Please!! Wake up!!!!!! [Daily Mail]
Wendy Williams is not on the air right now. She’s in her kitchen, hanging out with Betty Boop in her pajamas, doing literally anything else but go on television each morning. Good news though! She’s coming back. Even despite the long hiatus, The Wendy Williams Show has been renewed.
- Is it really too much to ask for Nicki Minaj to not collaborate with 6ix9ine? [Bossip]
- It’s extremely unsurprising that Khloe Kardashian is “getting close” with ex Tristan Thompson, TMZ. [TMZ]
- Faith Stowers is considering a lawsuit. [Us Weekly]
- Lana Del Rey’s ex-boyfriend is jobless. [ET]