Baby North West turned one yesterday, and Kimye decided to celebrate in an intimate gathering. LOLOLOL NO.
Kim and Kanye basically recreated Coachella in Kourtney's huge backyard and dubbed it 'Kidchella' in commemoration of their tiny human being's first year on this great Yeezus-blessed earth. Here are some hashtags, Kim used: "#KidchellaVibes#CustomBabyYeezusTees#RhylaHeadbands#FreshlyPickedMoccasins#SusiesCustimDenim#Norths1stbday"
The best part about throwing a birthday party for a one-year-old is the fact that because a baby can't possibly be the center of all the attention, the majority of the spotlight is up for grabs. So obviously Kidchella was full of Kardashian-Jenner antics.
The sisters Jenner did a couple "performances" which consisted of them jump-dancing to music and haphazardly lip-syncing. Unfortunately they were totally overshadowed by some dude doing a take on the
Melbourne Charlie Brown Shuffle. He's my new favorite Kardashian. But in true music festival fashion, Kidchella also featured the copping of Native American culture.
Yep, the various booths were teepees and Khloe Kardashian wore a headdress presumably to demonstrate the degree to which the vacuum they all live in sucks out any semblance of cultural or historical awareness or like respect or something. [TMZ]
Katie Couric got married to her fiancé John Molner.
Also, FYOG, you should know this quote exists:' "I call John 'Groomzilla!' " Couric said. "We're a very modern couple."' [People]
- Duggar child Jill wedded someone named Derick Dillard before a congregation of 1,000 family and friends. They also shared their first kiss in front of said thousand people, which sounds just awkward. [People]
- Megan Fox has lost interest in acting because she's busy being a mom. Fair. But she will have to do one film per year so that she can provide for her family. One project/year to pay for the future of two children? There should be a subcategory of nihilism called Megan Fox Sickness. [Uproxx]
- So a candle lit near a bathtub somehow caused a fire in Heather Graham's "Union Square penthouse," and now the owners of the building are taking legal action against her as well as a construction company that damaged a standpipe at the same time. [NY Post]
- Gwen Stefani is going to be on the new Maroon 5 track. Hmmm, I guess they needed more toddler-on-a-vibrating-belt-machine. I love Gwen and No Doubt, and that's just what her voice sounds like to me. [TMZ]
- Shirtless Taylor Lautner with some hair on his chest, less ab definition, and inconsistently tanned. Yay working our way towards normal people!!! [TMZ]
- Alec Baldwin donated a million dollars to a library and got a lecture room named after him! I would donate a million dollars to a Festivus museum so I could get a room named after me: The Aran of Grievances Chamber. I apologize for the shoddy Seinfeld reference—I don't even watch it. [NY Post]
- Here are some XcLuSiVe behind-the-scenes photos of Beyoncé and Jay Z on the set of their On the Run tour movie trailer thing. Be careful not to fall for the 'Beyoncé letting you into her life' trap again. SHE'S NOT. [Cosmo]
- Nicki Minaj says "there has never been a male-female duo like" her and Lil Wayne. [Hot New Hip Hop]
- Angelina Jolie took four of her kids, Knox, Vivienne, Shiloh & Pax to Japan with her. Together her children sound like the hottest new lawfirm in Brooklyn that micro-specializes in copyright infringement suits for existential crises. [Celebitchy]
Lead images via Kris Jenner's Instagram.