Kimberly Nods

Illustration for article titled Kimberly Nods
Screenshot: The Hill

During a weekend riddled with news of actual importance—the deaths of Civil Rights icons John Lewis and C.T. Vivian, Portland protesters under siege by federal agents, President Trump’s disastrous Fox News Sunday interview—it was easy to miss a little live-stream Friday night from Trump’s large adult son’s girlfriend, Kimberly Guilfoyle.


Nothing of actual value was lost to those who didn’t manage to tune in to watch Guilfoyle chatting with Rep. Matt Gaetz about “fake news” villainizing hydroxychloroquine. Besides, the truly retch-worthy moments begun toward the end of the hour-long live-stream when Guilfoyle’s boyfriend, Donald Trump Jr, made a cameo.

“I cannot escape Kimberly,” Trump said, feigning frustration. “I am trapped with her in quarantine. She gets to abuse me on a daily basis.”

“And feed you,” Guilfoyle chimed in.

“You do feed me, that’s true,” Trump said.

So much for Trump playing nurse for Guilfoyle after she contracted covid-19 a couple of weeks ago.

After a nauseating round of flirting, the two rated a series of right-wing memes before getting back to the job that the Trump campaign has tried and thus far failed to accomplish: Painting Joe Biden as a radical leftist—the fifth member of The Squad—poised to destroy America.

Trump did a lot of yelling. Kimberly did a lot of nodding.

“Joe Biden has been in the swamp for 50 years,” Trump cried.

“Right,” Guilfoyle said.

“He’s never worked in the private sector, he ain’t ‘Blue Collar Joe’ like they’re trying to sell you—”



“—and if you look at the plans he’s put out, he’s no moderate anymore!”


Trump continued: “He can’t get through a speech with 20 people without a teleprompter, and even on the teleprompter it’s kind of a disaster.”

“Right,” Kimberly said.

“This guy’s not there.”

“He’s not there.”

“He’s done nothing but spend the last half a century shipping our American dreams to China,” Trump added.


“Yes, yes,” Kimberly said, nodding.

Illustration for article titled Kimberly Nods
Screenshot: The Hill

When’s the wedding?

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


Bleach Banquet Bingo

I don’t know her (and I’m usually not so proud to proclaim my ignorance). So I’m asking: is there any way she’s not just taking him for a ride, in order to promote her own brand, whatever that may be? I mean, these two humps... they’re flat-out using each other, right? He knows her cooking is for shit and she knows his chin and his ambitions are bigger than his dick... so this is theater? Chilly, repulsive theater?