US Weekly recently unearthed Kim Kardashian’s old MySpace account where her ex boyfriend Ray J held a prominent place in her Top 8 (LOOK IT UP, TEENS), she went by “Princess Kimberly,” and she was hoping to meet “God.”

The profile is a beautiful, ancient relic of times gone by. The year is 2007, pimp-my-profile.com rules the land, and Princess Kimberly, then but a not-so-humble model, is on MySpace to make friends. Or not. As her profile reads, “I’m a princess and you’re not so there!” Not very welcoming.

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What were Princess Kimberly’s interests? (Home movies.) Who were her heroes? (Her daddy.) Did she drink or smoke? (No and no.) Was she straight? (Yes). So many questions about human history—and the Kim Kardashian of 2007—finally answered.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.

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