Kim Kardashian, Like the Rest of Us, Never Expected Her Marriage to Kris Humphries Would Last

During a recent episode of the much-hyped Hollywood week of Watch What Happens Live, Kim Kardashian did something close to spilling (sprinkling?) something close to tea (hot water with lemon?) while chatting with host Andy Cohen. The list of revelations include: why she knew her marriage to ball-playing bore Kris Humphries was bullshit, what the hell happened to her former stylist, and whether or not she thinks Kris and Caitlin will ever speak again.

Let’s start from the top. Here’s Kim on her 72-day marriage to Humphries:

“I just thought, ‘I’m 30 years old. I’d better get this together. I’d better get married.’ I think a lot of girls do go through that, where they freak out…thinking they’re getting old…their friends are having kids…so it was more of that situation. But I knew, like, [from the] honeymoon, it wasn’t going to work out.”

I know it’s shocking that two people with less chemistry than a faded cardboard cutout of Tom Hiddleston and a water-damaged cardboard cutout of Taylor Swift would go into a marriage feeling less than optimistic about its potential for lasting, but let’s not dwell. Here’s Kim on the confusing situation between her and ex-stylist Monica Rose:

“I will say that I read that it was said that she was the reason for my makeover—my makeover when I met Kanye—and I will say that Kanye got me a new team and we kind of documented it. So I think people think that’s the reason, and for me, maybe that is the reason. I needed a new vibe.”

What greater motivator is there than the need for a new vibe? Oh! I almost forgot the drama between Kris and Caitlyn, which I’m sure all of you care about deeply. When asked what the odds were that the two exes would ever speak again, Kim said: