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Kim Kardashian, Like the Rest of Us, Never Expected Her Marriage to Kris Humphries Would Last

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

During a recent episode of the much-hyped Hollywood week of Watch What Happens Live, Kim Kardashian did something close to spilling (sprinkling?) something close to tea (hot water with lemon?) while chatting with host Andy Cohen. The list of revelations include: why she knew her marriage to ball-playing bore Kris Humphries was bullshit, what the hell happened to her former stylist, and whether or not she thinks Kris and Caitlin will ever speak again.


Let’s start from the top. Here’s Kim on her 72-day marriage to Humphries:

“I just thought, ‘I’m 30 years old. I’d better get this together. I’d better get married.’ I think a lot of girls do go through that, where they freak out...thinking they’re getting old...their friends are having it was more of that situation. But I knew, like, [from the] honeymoon, it wasn’t going to work out.”


I know it’s shocking that two people with less chemistry than a faded cardboard cutout of Tom Hiddleston and a water-damaged cardboard cutout of Taylor Swift would go into a marriage feeling less than optimistic about its potential for lasting, but let’s not dwell. Here’s Kim on the confusing situation between her and ex-stylist Monica Rose:

“I will say that I read that it was said that she was the reason for my makeover—my makeover when I met Kanye—and I will say that Kanye got me a new team and we kind of documented it. So I think people think that’s the reason, and for me, maybe that is the reason. I needed a new vibe.”

What greater motivator is there than the need for a new vibe? Oh! I almost forgot the drama between Kris and Caitlyn, which I’m sure all of you care about deeply. When asked what the odds were that the two exes would ever speak again, Kim said:

“Zero. No, one. No, I would say two percent. And those are Kendall and Kylie. That’s their percentage. All fair, I think.”


And we’re done.

[ABC News]

If you’ve been up nights tossing and turning over why Carmelo and La La Anthony have not started moving forward with their divorce proceedings, 1) I feel you and 2) I have some answers. Per TMZ, the two of them are “happy with the way things are right now,” and “are working together to be there for their 10-year-old son.” Divorce, a source claims, “is not on the horizon.”


Guess I’ll be sleeping tonight!


Fame sounds nice.

Illustration for article titled Kim Kardashian, Like the Rest of Us, Never Expected Her Marriage to Kris Humphries Would Last

[Page Six]

  • Evan Spiegel and Miranda Kerr finally got married, but there’s no proof on the internet. [Mashable]
  • Working for the royal family probably isn’t fun. [Celebitchy]
  • One-fourth of the remaining four-fifths of Fifth Harmony wants to be an actress now. [ONTD]
  • Like mama always said, the family that shows off their bikini bods on the internet together stays together. [People]
  • Evergreen Advice: Don’t try to follow Bella Thorne’s love life. [Us Weekly]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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BrianGriffin thinks “reliable” is just a state of mind

A very wise friend of mine believes that marriage licenses, like driver’s licenses, should come with an renewal or expiration date. As I get older, the more I agree.