Kim Kardashian has donned her first post-baby peplum in the service of Concept Outfits Everwhere. This dress was custom-made by Riccardo Tisci and an army of Parisian wood sprites (probably) in just one day, and, fittingly, she wore it to the Givenchy show in Paris. It's the first time Kim and Kanye West have made a "formal appearance" since the birth of their baby, North West — and the first time Kim has left the lil' bundle of cheeks alone. ("She was very sad to say goodbye," says a source informatively).
The original title of this post on US Weekly was "Kim Kardashian Wears Cleavage-Baring Black Dress, Looks Skinny at Paris Fashion Week Show: Picture." Because the Internet is a dark, terrible place, the post has been amended to no longer indicate that Kim Kardashian looks skinny — presumably following commenter outrage (and there is a lot of commenter outrage if you dare to plumb the depths of the post). Brb, weeping silently for the state of humanity. [US Weekly, images via Splash.]
In her new interview with Billboard, Katy Perry says that John Mayer is "literally a genius," which she probably means in the new second sense of the word, "not literally."
Expanding on this theme, she adds, "We'll be in bed, and he'll be doing the crossword puzzle." And, on an unrelated note: "Every night, he tries to finish in under 10 minutes." (Ha ha, just kidding; it was related; she was talking about the crossword and not sex — John Mayer is a very considerate lover, you can tell it by his hats and his music videos). [The Hollywood Gossip]
If you've ever wanted a good schematic for understanding what constitutes "too much" in Miley Cyrus' view, you're in luck! Not "too much": a quixotic quest to lick every object in the world; "humping little people in S&M gear" at a night club; pasties. "Too much": Walter White's coughing in Breaking Bad. As the singer told Rolling Stone:
"Breaking Bad I just got into, but I haven't been able to keep up with it as much. There's just a lot of him coughing. I'm in the first season, and the coughing is driving me crazy... Like, we get it. You're dying. Do you really need a whole two-minute scene of another cough attack? It's too much. In every bad situation, how does he get out? He just starts coughing."
Stop it with the lung cancer, Walt. You are irritating Miley. [E!]
In other Cyrus-news, Liam Hemsworth has no time for drama because he is busy filming his cameo for Mockingjay, Part 1, says a source. [ONTD]
Simon Cowell's unborn child has caused Simon Cowell's embittered little heart to grow three times in size! He was recently spotted handing an $100 bill to a homeless man from his convertible. He then leaned over "to passionately kiss his pregnant partner" before speeding off into the beautiful autumn day — which is the opposite of what he normally does (insult a child; snicker into corporately sponsored soft drink; repeat). [ONTD]
- Heather Morris from Glee had a baby with her longtime boyfriend! The baby, which is described as "a little bundle of joy" of the male gender, is named Elijah. Congratulations to them. [Hello!]
- Harry Styles allegedly has a new girlfriend because an Instagram has surfaced of two humans straddling whose faces are obscured by hanging suits. It's basically a wedding invitation. [ONTD]
- Angelina Jolie took some of the Jolie-Pitt children to the circus and Brad Pitt took some of the Jolie-Pitt children to Legoland. [E!]
- Amanda Bynes has been transferred from the hospital to a fancy celebrity rehab with no psychiatric facilities, which is confusing/troubling. [The Hollywood Gossip]
- Pippa Middleton canoodled her boyfriend without even being engaged to him. Pippa, you sly dog. [E!]
- Heidi Klum's son got a nosebleed at his soccer game and Heidi Klum tended to it. Thank goddess a photographer was there to document this world-altering event. [Just Jared]
- Elle Fanning went Halloween costume shopping while eating popcorn; what is Elle Fanning going to be? A beautiful, elegant bird? A sexy hamburger? Dakota Fanning? Here are "15+ pictures" of her walking down the street to peruse while you make conjectures. [Just Jared]
- Paris Hilton says it is an "honor" to make music with Lil Wayne. She also says that she's "more excited than nervous" for fans to hear her new album. Rightfully so: the melodious, enchanting, masterfully sung "Stars are Blind" is the most important piece of music in the past 50 years. [MTV].
- Carey Mulligan dyed her hair brown again!! Update your celebrity hair lists!!! [E!]
- Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner went to the mall with Sofia Richie, the 15-year-old sister of Nicole Richie. The prophecy has been fulfilled. [ONTD]
- Cher says that Sonny's ghost still visits her and pulls pranks. This makes sense; if I knew what Cher's address was, I would definitely visit her from the afterlife and haunt her in a friendly manner. [ONTD]
- Michael Lohan and Dina Lohan have been banned from the set of Lindsay Lohan's reality show on OWN. Thank you, Oprah, for banishing these deamons from our television sets. [TMZ]
- This is the most important article on the Internet: it is called"STEVEN TYLER: I GET FREE TACOS... FOR A YEAR!!!" It opens with the sentence "Steven Tyler might wanna get comfortable sitting on the toilet — cause he's getting a year's worth of Mexican food... for free!" Yes, it's true, dear reader: Chipotle has issued Steven Tyler a personalized free burrito card... (for a year!!!). There is even a video of him revealing his burrito meat choice. [TMZ]
DISCUSSION
You know what? I'm not a Kardashian fan, I think that they are a bunch of fame-whoring shits, but for having a baby about three months ago Kim looks great. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.