Keep All Your Phalanges Crossed: Robsten Might Be Back On

By Doug Barry | September 16, 2012 | 3:00pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Forget what a cursory reading of the stars may have told us — Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are too compatible, and, if The Sun is still the institution of journalistic excellence everyone thinks it is, then the couple has been reunited just in time for the final Twilight installment. See? Everything works out in the end. After K-Stew’s dad John “begged” R-Patz to reunite with his daughter, R-Patz said, “M’ok,” and got back together with K-Stew, mostly, according to The Sun‘s account, because he felt so bad that she was getting trashed by Twilight fans on the internets. So, thanks to misplaced pity and paternal meddling, one fractured Hollywood couple has been knit back together. Forever. Or at least until R-Patz has a fling with a director and everyone urges him to dump K-Stew because, you know, a man just can’t be tied to one woman like that because [something about evolutionary psychology]. [The Sun]

It’s true — Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have totally teamed up to Cruel Intentions Tim Tebow. [LA Times]
The People of Twitter are really angry that Kate Gosselin made them look at a picture of her 11-year-old daughter wearing, gulp, high heels. [E!]
Angelina Jolie was presented with not an Academy Award award by Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshiar Zebari as part of the actress’ solidarity tour on behalf of the UN Refugee Agency. [Just Jared]
A Crebain (unfortunately, I did not need to look this Tolkienism up) dispatched by the New York Post has discovered that Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are filming a sexy, sexy sex scene for Scary Movie 5. [NY Post]
Speaking of sexy, sexy sex, YouPorn’s top banana Corey Price thinks that where there’s smoke, there’s “footage” of Prince William penetrating Kate Middleton, and is offering an “open check” to get hold of that footage. [TMZ]
Seeing Justin Bieberbator grab a handful of his balls is like gazing into a crystal ball at a future episode VH1’s Behind the Music in which a balding 30-year-old plaintively muses, “I was an 18-year-old millionaire and I was on top of the world, until I started huffing glue.” [Showbiz Spy]
During a recent show, aggressively heterosexual R&B star Miguel demanded that more women move to the front of the crowd. “May I have a water on the stage, please,” queried Miguel, adding “and more women in the front. There’s too many men up here. With all due respect, fellas, I’m not playing.” [BET]
Kim Kardashian may have successfully bullied Stacy Keibler into being her new bff. [NYDN]
Rupert Everett, noted gay best friend, doesn’t think having two gay parents would be even a little bit awesome. Everett told the Sunday Times, “I can’t think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads,” adding, “some people might not agree with that. Fine! That’s just my opinion.” [Telegraph]
Nicki Minaj and Keith Urban will be teaming up with Mariah Carey this fall as part of American Idol‘s bubble-bursting dream team. [EW]