Katherine Heigl Doesn't Exist Anymore

Illustration for article titled Katherine Heigl Doesn't Exist Anymore
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Katherine Heigl? I’ve literally never heard of her before. I know Katie though! That’s a person I recognize.


On the Drew Barrymore show, where news goes to die, the once Grey’s Anatomy actress and occasional Zzzquil spokesperson revealed that everywhere else but the Oscars red carpet, she is Katie. “No one calls me Katherine. It sounds much more sophisticated, right? Like an adult named Katherine.”

Katherine is a sophisticated name! Katie is much more laid back. Katherine is a woman who wears a Free People smock dress to the wine bar and posts the delicately manicured wine and cheese plate on Instagram. Katie, meanwhile, maybe orders a spicy margarita instead and asks the waiter to salt the rim, and then later spills a little of it on her Nasty Gal miniskirt.

Welcome to the world, Katie! Good luck to you and those soon-to-be-discarded smock dresses.



I have considered for years switching to Katherine.  I changed jobs this year and didn’t do it though.  I probably should have since I read young anyway and all my employees think I am way younger than they are.  Instead I am going to be dropping lots of hints about turning 40 this year.