I was never under the impression that Johnny Depp is a particularly great romantic partner, due to, well, reasons—but nonetheless, I’m still somehow shocked by this latest tidbit: In a Wednesday “Life in Looks” video for British Vogue, Kate Moss, who dated Depp in the 1990s, casually (even fondly, maybe?) recalled the time Depp gifted her with the famous diamond necklace she wore to the 1995 CFDA Fashion Awards… by making her literally dig it out of his ass.
“That diamond necklace Johnny gave me, they were the first diamonds I ever owned—he pulled them out of the crack of his ass,” Moss told the magazine. “We were going out to dinner and he said, ‘I’ve got something in my bum. Can you have a look?’ And I was like, ‘What?’” She said she put her “hand down his trousers” and “pulled out a diamond necklace. That diamond necklace.” How… romantic?
Here’s the video, if you actually prefer to hear this charming anecdote straight out of Moss’s mouth (I realized I hadn’t actually heard her speak at length before, so there’s that):
Moss, who’s very publicly defended Depp in recent months amid his defamation trial against ex-wife Amber Heard, seemed endeared as she recounted the tale of the world’s most expensive anal beads. Depp’s rabid online fans appear equally enthralled, calling the story “absolutely everything.” At the risk of raining shit-covered diamonds on everyone’s parade, here’s an ~alternative~ perspective: It actually seems pretty demeaning, humiliating, and sexist for a wealthy man to make a then-20-year-old woman dig through his ass for a fancy necklace, even if done as a “bit.” There were probably much more impactful ways he could have gifted the diamonds, like, say, just handing them over without E. coli probably smeared all over them?
In May, Moss took the stand as a witness supporting Depp in his defamation trial alleging Heard had defamed with her allegations of abuse. Moss testified that Depp had never abused her and, by extension, surely this meant he hadn’t abused Heard or any other woman. Abusers famously abuse every woman they ever encounter in life, after all, and Depp is clearly the sort of upstanding, great respecter of women who gifts his partners diamond necklaces in the crack of his ass.
Moss was brought in by Depp’s legal team shortly after Heard’s lawyers cited a famous rumor that during an alleged fight between Depp and Moss in 1994, he’d pushed Moss down a flight of stairs in their hotel suite in Jamaica. Moss instead recounted simply slipping and falling down the stairs amid a rainstorm.
In a separate incident from that same year, Depp was arrested at a New York hotel the couple was staying at after allegedly trashing the room and incurring thousands of dollars in damages, and police suspected the two had been fighting. “I think Johnny obviously has a temper,” Depp’s friend, director John Waters, told People at the time of the incident. “But this is a very minor incident. The room service must have been bad.”
All of that was nearly 30 years ago, and whatever happened or didn’t happen, Moss has clearly moved on with her life. May God someday give me the grace—or at least the total apathy toward other women’s suffering—to testify in support of a man who once made me mine diamonds from his asshole!