Kanye West and Jennifer Aniston Collide in Spectacular Explosion of Nothingness

How does that age-old adage go? Oh, I remember: “If Jennifer Aniston posts a photo on Instagram, and nobody is around to look at it, is Kanye West still running for president?” The answer, I’ve come to learn, is yes.

Jennifer Aniston, if one didn’t already hear, is very passionate about voting. On Instagram she posted a wrenching plea to her followers, begging everyone to pick up their ballots and drop them in a box somewhere.

Buried down near the bottom of her message, however, is this addendum: “PS – It’s not funny to vote for Kanye. I don’t know how else to say it. Please be responsible ” In the comments, dozens of celebrities echoed the sentiment, like Julia Roberts, who told Aniston her post was “beautifully expressed.” Amy Sedaris, meanwhile, wrote: “Right on Jenn so well said ” Naomi Campbell, who has better things to do than this, simply responded with two blue hearts and a flexing emoji. The post even drew out Aniston’s stylist, Karla Welch, who responded: “It’s NOT FUNNY to Vote for Kanye. PERIOD.” (Her impassioned comment makes more sense when you read her Instagram bio: “The Resistance ✌ ️ Stylist / Creative / Freedom Fighter)

And so Jennifer Aniston, and her plea, would have passed into the annals of celebrity voting history, had Kanye West not jumped into the fray. In a now-deleted tweet, the presidential “hopeful” posted a screenshot of a Vanity Fair article about Aniston’s Instagram post. In response to Aniston’s plea, West claimed that his recent Joe Rogan interview must have gotten the establishment “shook.”

Thankfully, the Web Archive will maybe last forever. Here’s the tweet:

So, let me take a beat, to lay out exactly what West believes has the liberal democratic establishment so shaken up! During that three hour interview, West shared a bounty of befuddling policy proposals with host Joe Rogan. In a tangent about the number of human beings on the internet, he claimed that “for us to survive, we have to make more human beings.” To do this: “We have family, we have to have food, we have to have shelter. We don’t have to have the internet. We don’t have to have music.” He also claimed that God has called him to be “the leader of the free world,” and railed on how most people are “all on medication now,” a statement he then appended with something much, much worse: “Did you use toothpaste with fluoride today? It blocks your pinial gland. And they put children on it. We put our kids on it. It’s inside the deodorants we use. It’s all these things to create a disconnect to God, to serve that. Are you serving man, or are you serving the one and only master?”

As for his campaign at large, it appears that two, at most three, people are actually working for him. A recent campaign video features a confusing mishmash of text fonts, aspect rations, aesthetic choices, and overall messaging. Still, it appears that sneakerheads, former Andrew Yang voters, and extremely online evangelicals have found their ideal president.

It should be very obvious that nobody is really scared of West’s presidential campaign. (Besides maybe his wife.) But on the same hand, Aniston’s initial plea also reveals that celebrities like her watch far too much MSNBC, in turn, morphing average rom-com stars like her into bona fide heroes in their imagined “resistance.”