Quick, someone hand me a Swiffer Wet Jet, because things in Britney Spears’ ex-husband’s multiverse are getting messy. In an ongoing battle over Spears’ rights to interact with her kids (or just exist without harassment, really), Kevin Federline, who was married to the queen mother from 2004 until 2007, shared three Instagram videos on Thursday, seemingly in an effort to show Spears arguing with her sons, 16-year-old Sean and 15-year-old Jayden, according to Page Six. Federline says the boys were 12 and 11 at the time. The videos were then deleted from Federline’s Instagram around 9:00 am Thursday morning.
In one video, Spears appears to be upset that her 13-year-old son walked into an ice cream shop barefoot (?) with blood (?) in Alaska (?), and threatens to take away his phone as a punishment. “I’m shocked as fuck with you and I don’t know what to do,” Spears can be heard saying. “And I’m scared of you because you’re weird because you’re going through puberty. And I don’t know what to say. But I do care more than you know.”
In another, the singer demands respect from her children, as she tries to make them moisturize their faces before bed, citing the age-old parental “this is my house” argument. “If I want to come in here and give you lotion for your face because it’s coarse … y’all better start respecting me, are we clear?...You all need to start treating me like a woman with worth. I am a woman, okay, be nice to me, do you understand?”
Accompanying the trio of videos, Federline wrote: “I can not sit back and let my sons be accused in this way after what they’ve been through. As much as it hurts us, we decided as a family to post these videos…This isn’t even the worst of it. The lies have to stop. I hope our kids grow up to be better than this.”
The videos come as a response to a classic, long-winded, and since-deleted BritneyGram. Earlier this week, Federline said that Sean and Jayden had not seen their mother in several months, adding that Jamie Spears, who trapped his daughter in a conservatorship and sucked her bank account dry, had saved the pop star’s life in an interview with the Daily Mail that…never aired. He also attacked Spears’ roundabout and often bikini-adorned social media posts, which he said were “tough” on her sons.
In response, Spears took to Instagram in a now-deleted post, according to Page Six, to express her rage: “I know that teenagers are just hard to deal with … but COME ON…There’s being rude then there’s being HATEFUL…They would visit me, walk in the door, go straight to their room and lock the door !!!”
She later posted a cryptic image of a chess board (““CHECK MATE !!! “FUCK YOU, YOU CAN’T DO THAT” “I JUST DID !!!”) and a photo with a towel covering her face, saying she’d “RATHER GO BLIND !!!” Decrypting BritneyGrams is an art worthy of a doctoral degree, but the message seems to read, roughly: Fuck you, Kevin.
Just when you might think the back-and-forth squabbling is over, Federline’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan spoke to TMZ early Thursday morning, clarifying that Spears had not seen her kids in five months because they feel “uncomfortable around her and have received some very upsetting texts from her.” Kaplan maintains that Federline never “trash-talked” her to their kids—this, coming from a man who just posted private videos of Spears to the internet to muddy her reputation—and that the kids had not slept overnight at their mother’s house for years.
The lawyer added that Federline is “annoyed” that Britney said her ex-husband’s house “has more weed than Ludacris, 50 Cent, Jay-Z and Puff Daddy combined!!!!”
Spears’ camp has responded that the videos simply show Britney “being a mom,” and Federline’s attempt to vilify her for reprimanding her kids is a pretty low blow. Really, there’s nothing to see here, folks, other than a man who has sat on his ass for years collecting his monthly $20,000 child support paychecks (according to TMZ) from the woman he’s trying to malign.
What he should’ve said (and what he really means) is “I, Kevin Federline, unilaterally decided to be a petty bitch.” Truly, how much more can one woman take? Spears has been surveilled by her family and the media her entire life, and now by her ex-husband from the safety of her private dwellings. The videos show Britney acting like one of those exasperated moms you see in the grocery store, at wit’s end because their child is having a public meltdown, a situation that should be met with zero judgment. Who is K-Fed, washed-up Atlantic City DJ and self-proclaimed king of parenting, to judge her? Who are any of us?
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