We wake up this morn, as the dust settles from Justin Bieber's arrest, and must try to make sense of the world once more.
Here's what's been happening: Bieber appeared in court yesterday, where it was revealed that he blew a .04 BAC (which is twice the legal limit for anyone under 21). The singer also admitted that he was under the influence of weed and Xanax as well as alcohol at the time of his arrest. The Xanax, he says, came from his mom. TMZ is also reporting that Bieber's dad was one of the people who helped block off the road so that he could drag race — in short, both of his parents were involved. Lovely.
Apparently, the Biebz scoffed at the notion of rehab (as someone with a substance abuse problem and no boundaries might), so his team is trying to get him to go to psychotherapy in order to deal both with his drug problem and with the underlying issues that caused it. Justin Bieber is a little shit, all right, but he's one in need of serious help. Here's hoping he gets it. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ]
Gabourey Sidibe went on Chelsea Lately and made all your behind-the-scenes AHS: Coven dreams come true. How true are we talking? Well, ok, the cast got into a bar brawl after someone glitter-bombed Sarah Paulson. The brawl involved Gabby yelling "homie" in a surly 6-foot-tall man's face. Gabby Sidibe for Supreme of everything. [People]
Cate Blanchett says she does not remember giving her Golden Globes acceptance speech: "Unfortunately my category came up rather late in the evening so I was a couple of sheets to the wind. Once your name is read out it's a high like no other so I can't remember a lot. I hope I didn't do too many things I'll regret." I think we were all drunk at that point, Cate. [Perez Hilton]
- Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are releasing a Christmas-themed children's book! Mariah Carey, it seems, will not be satisfied until she has re-fashioned Christmas in her image. [Billboard]
- Calvin Harris, the famous guy who makes all the bleepy-bloopy noises on "We Found Love," et. al., is getting his own "electronic music comedy" on HBO, and it's produced by Jay Z and Will Smith. Nothing in this world makes sense to me any more. [Bossip]
- They just filmed the Fifty Shades of Grey scene in which Ana is forced to go out in public wearing Uggs as some sadomasochistic ritual, or something. [E!]
- Vanessa Hudgens is not a "good girl gone bad," because that's one of the grossest cultural tropes we've ever come up with. "I think it's more 'girl growing into a woman and being passionate and taking choices,'" she says. [NY Daily News]
- Little J from Gossip Girl is still Very Edgy; don't worry, guys. [Page Six]
- Lana del Rey, your favorite perpetually sad/confused person, will be covering "Once Upon a Dream" for Maleficent. [ONTD]
- Lady Gaga took to her website to encourage her fans to be supportive of the Beliebers, to which her fans were like, "Uhh, no, he could have killed someone and he is the literal worst." [ONTD]
- Selena Gomez wore a bindi and a smile to buy cigarettes following Justin Bieber's arrest. [ONTD]
- It was Mariska Hargitay's 50th birthday yesterday and no one told me????? I am so sad. [Vh1]
- Dean McDermott has checked into rehab "to address some health and personal issues." [Bossip]
- Demi Lovato's hair is now pink. [ONTD]
- Jennifer Aniston has "made peace" about John Mayer and Katy Perry's "intense love affair," as have we all. [Radar]
Images via Pacific Coast News, Getty.