Do you have a wife? If you have a wife, are you kissing your wife right now? Why are you not kissing your wife right now? Do you even love your wife, or are you lying to her, and by association, me? Why are you even here, wifeless, and lying? No matter. I only have time for wives, and people with wives. Hugging their wives, texting their wives, whispering to their wives, bringing their wives coffee. Especially kissing their wives, and getting their pictures taken with their wives, which Justin Bieber has provided an excellent blueprint for!
On the red carpet—are they calling these Youtube premieres red carpets?—for his new docuseries Seasons, Justin Bieber had his picture taken with his lips delicately perched on various places around wife Hailey Bieber’s face. In some, he kissed her cheek. In others, he sort of kissed her nose. And in even more, he successfully landed his lips on hers, and the two smooched some more. E! reports that “the pair couldn’t keep their hands off of each other” all night, naming whatever was transpiring in front of photographers as “martial bliss.”
Do you know who these two remind me of? Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney, another pair of married smoochers, who also insist on calling each other “bub” in the press, on television, and even alone in their own home.
Just last week, Rolling Stone similarly reported that an album listening party in Los Angeles, Justin Bieber openly weeped while thanking his friends and family, before running out after to allegedly have “freaky” sex with Hailey. Godspeed, dude! [E! News]
Men, please, I beg you, get some fucking sense. If you have been broken up with someone for years, and I literally mean years, please do not follow them around in public yelling at them. Meek Mill, I’m also talking to you!
TMZ has followed up on Nicki Minaj’s shouting match with her ex over the weekend, when she and Meek and husband Kenneth Petty had an altercation in at a boutique in WeHo. According to sources, Meek was shooting daggers at Nicki and her new man, which prompted the shouting match. Meek claims they ran up on him, looking for a fight, but various other sources dispute this, claiming Nicki and Kennneth were clear on the other side of the store when it first transpired.
Of course, this tracks with Meek’s public inability to move on from Nicki Minaj. He’s mocked her new man on Instagram and called her out in songs. Nicki’s also claimed that her ex has hit her up in the DMs since they broke up, which prompted another war between the two. Regardless, I’m a firm believer in not yelling at your exes in public. Meek, you’re beginning to look obsessed. Get a hobby, dude! [TMZ]
Here is something cute: