The kid with the hair and that girl from that show your niece watches must be dating; they were seen together again. Speculating about the romantic lives of children is not weird at all!
OMGWTFBBQ! Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are totally an item because of the fact that they were photographed walking in the same direction in close proximity to each other. Ancient law dictates that since they were spotted eating at an iHop the other day and now walking around South Beach, they are now bound together for eternity. This ancient law’s existence also explains why The Situation spent much of the last season of Jersey Shore up to his spray tanned ears in poontang: it’s because of his affinity for pancakes and South Florida. [Daily Mail]
Speaking of Jersey Shore, Ronnie has been indicted on charges related to an assault that took place during the filming of the show’s first season. Dear Ronnie, Here’s my number one tip for not being indicted on assault charges: don’t fucking punch people in the face and then brag about it while you’re being filmed for a reality show. Those cameras? They record stuff and then play the recorded stuff back, sometimes for cops. [CBS]
Winona Ryder claims that she’d known for years that Mel Gibson is a crazy man, and not fun-crazy like getting high and having youthful hijinks in a convenience store with Janeane Garofalo; scary-crazy like calling Jewish people “oven dodgers” and looking at people with that terrifying dead-behind-the-eyes facial expression of his. [ABC]
Wesley Snipes plans on taking his grievances against the IRS to the Supreme Court to avoid serving three years in prison for tax evasion, because the constitutional duty of the Supreme Court is to keep celebrities who don’t pay their taxes out of jail. [Digital Spy]
Will Smith is developing two new TV shows, one of which is rumored to be about an infamous incident that occurred in in west Philadelphia, where a young Smith spent most of his days on the playground chillin’ out maxin’ relaxin’ all cool and all shootin’ some b-ball outside of school. One day, a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in his neighborhood. He got in one little fight and his mom got scared. She said ‘You’re movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.’ My preemptive rating for the show? Smell ya later. [Perez]
Tom Cruise took Katie Holmes to a spin class to celebrate her birthday. Nothing says “romance” like the gift of a hint from your husband that he thinks your thighs could use some toning. [Daily Mail]
Eminem is reportedly going to star in a movie about boxing, wherein I can only assume he will play a boxer who is tortured because of some dramatic stuff that we’ll be shown in flashbacks, but the boxer as played by Eminem will have a heart of gold, as evidenced by scenes wherein he is kind to children and/or his love interest. There will be fighting and at one point, we’ll be all, Oh, god, Boxer Eminem! You don’t look like you can go on fighting! But Boxer Eminem won’t give up! He’ll keep it up, because nothing says bravery like getting your ass kicked in a human dogfighting match. And tears will be shed and lessons will be learned and we’ll all leave the theater understanding why Mark Wahlberg passed on the script. [Showbiz Spy]
Prince Grinsalot and Future Princess Shinylocks went to a fundraiser together. Rumor has it that they also eat, sleep, exercise their bodily functions, and put their pants on one leg at a time. Stay tuned for more on this riveting nonstory! [CBS]
Tiger Woods has reportedly “forgotten about” his extended family. If only we could forget about all of the places that Tiger Woods’ homeless penis has sought warmth.[Showbiz Spy]
Vanessa Hudgens celebrated her birthday by getting all dolled up and partying in front of a host of cameras at an exclusive club in Las Vegas. You celebrated Saturday by briefly considering wearing a bra while you schlepped around your apartment. Stars sound like they live such exhausting lives. [Just Jared]
Madonna awkwardly called for collaborations from the “maddest, sickest, baddest” people in the music industry for her next album. Madonna then embarrassed you in front of your friends by barging in while you were watching Skins and asking everyone if they ever “spit fire with their dope rhymes” and who their favorite member of “that Wu Tang Clan” was. God, Madonna. You ALWAYS embarrass me![Digital Spy]
Check out this completely non biased and totes woman friendly Daily Mail article about a certain American rock widow drug addicted ex stripper slutty slut McSlut babyeating Godpuncher and her perceived quest for a title in the British monarchy and then sit back and laugh ruefully as you imagine what a royal twist knickers across the pond must be in over the prospect of Courtney/Courtley Love.[Daily Mail]
Tom Hardy, the man who is the current world record holder for number of times people chose him for “Fuck” in “Fuck, Marry, Kill,” will not be playing the role of Professor Hugo Strange in the upcoming installment of Batman. [Digital Spy]
Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron are reportedly competing against each other for the role of the wicked stepmother in the forthcoming big screen adaptation of Snow White. In other wildly speculative casting news, the seven dwarves will be played by the Gosselin children.[Daily Express]
Gwyneth Paltrow says she was the one responsible for setting up TOTALLY LEGITIMATE COUPLE Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal. Only someone as Country Strong as Gwynnie would have the down-home know how to bring the world the pairing that I’ve come to know and love as Jaylor Swyllenhaal. [Showbiz Spy]
Lil Wayne claims his Twitter account has been hacked. At least whoever took control of his page didn’t post an offensive macro and send the internet into a tizzy. And Weezy: that’s why you don’t use the same password for your Gawker commenting account as you use for Twitter.