Justice for Harry Styles's Many Nipples

Illustration for article titled Justice for Harry Styless Many Nipples
Image: Getty

Who knows how these things happen, but I am so grateful that they do: yesterday, the cover of Rolling Stone’s September issue leaked online. The magazine posted the full, official cover on Instagram a few hours later so I don’t feel bad in sharing it with you now: it’s Harry Styles, baby, and he’s shirtless.


My boyfriend is no stranger to stripping down to flaunt his robust build and gratuitous tattoos, but this feels different. It is a celebration of his many nipples, his third highest slightly in frame in the southeast quadrant of the image, to the right of his butterfly chest piece. Styles fans have always known his perfect flaw of having just a couple too many human udders, but here, three of four are out to play. Doesn’t that feel like justice? Validation? Like society is finally making some semblance of progress?


The promise of “sex, psychedelics, and the secrets of stardom” in the cover story take a backseat to his third nipple, but when the article goes live online I assume they hop on over to the driver’s side. My hope is that I get to learn about a spiritual shroom trip Styles took to Joshua Tree with one of his many model girlfriends, but I’ll settle for anything even slightly devious and revelatory. The guy has gotten too into 1970s-brand rock star mystique, and I want more, not less, from him.

In conclusion: nipples good.

Correction: An earlier version of this post stated that Harry Styles’s third nipple was located in the southwest quadrant of the frame. It is in the southeast quadrant of the frame, and the southwest quadrant of Styles’s body. Jezebel regrets the error.

It's facetious. Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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Surely I’m not the first to see a big smiley face on his chest.