Just Stop Trying, Ivanka

Guess how much Diet Dr. Pepper I’ve had this week.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

• Ivanka compared her dad to Thomas Jefferson, which oddly works, but not for the reasons why she thinks it does:

• Oops, should’ve done more than look up “inspirational quotes by Thomas Jefferson,” Ivanka!

• Ivanka was referring obliquely to the House vote on impeachment, which passed 232 to 196. [New York Times]
• Which must have come as a shock to Kellyanne:

• But not to this dude. [Politico]
• Well, this keeps happening.

• Because I love y’all and want to end on a good note—it’s always nice when a union wins, isn’t it? [Chicago Tribune]

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish:

This has been Barf Bag.