Juicy Scenes From the Police Report on the Palin Family Throwdown

Back in September, news broke that the Palin clan had apparently been involved in some birthday party altercation back in Wasilla. Well, the cops have released their report on the incident and boy howdy, it doesn’t do anybody involved any favors whatsoever.

Talking Points Memo got its hands on the Anchorage Police Department’s report, which includes summaries of conversations with various witnesses. The authorities decided not to file any charges, but as this story from the Alaska Dispatch News makes clear, the Palins still wound up looking like a bunch of belligerent jackasses.

First, let’s set the scene. It was Todd Palin’s birthday, and the whole family piled into a limousine (bet that kinda thing goes over real well in Alaska) to check out another birthday party, hosted by one Korey Klingenmeyer. Here’s what greeted the officers upon arrival at the birthday party:

We’ll come back to Bristol in a minute. Here’s the state Track was in:

While there are, obviously, competing narratives here, it’s clear that Track got into some sort of scrape. Things escalated and, according to several witnesses, Bristol got involved (though nobody seems to agree on why, which probably has something to do with copious booze):

For her part, Bristol told the cops she was merely taking up for her younger sister when another partygoer starting hollering that Bristol was a slut:

Any or all of these people could be completely full of shit. Two things are clear: Wasilla sounds like a great place to get punched in the face, and you probably shouldn’t invite the Palins to your next barbecue.

If this trashy American reboot of Rashomon appeals, you can read the police report in full here.