Joe Francis Is Now the Father to Two Bundles of Karma

Joe Francis and his girlfriend Abbey Wilson have welcomed into the world two little bundles of karma in the form of twin girls.

The daughters of Francis, Girls Gone Wild creator and professional creep, were born in Puerto Vallarta. Alexandria Claire Francis and Athena Olivia Francis (cute names!) are the first children for both Francis and Wilson and I must admit, it is legitimately impressive that Joe Francis has only just now become a father.

The couple spoke to Us Weekly back in April about how excited they were to be expecting girls.

“We both wanted girls and we wanted them to be healthy and free of genetic diseases so we chose to do IVF,” Wilson told Us Weekly at the time. “I found out [I was pregnant] shortly after a blood test confirmed the results and called Joe immediately. We were both screaming so loud with excitement from each end of the phone!”

I wasn’t aware that in vitro fertilization is able to rid a child of any potential genetic diseases, unless it also included genetic testing, which is what we will assume she meant.

Francis added at the time that he couldn’t wait to be a dad to his daughters. “I believe people will finally understand my love, respect, and admiration for women,” he said. “I love girls.”

GROSS GROSS GROSS BLURGH YUCK EW EWWWW.

Has anyone ever questioned really Joe Francis’ er, appreciation of women? What I think they’ve questioned is his ability to see them as equal individuals worthy of respect and protection.

In general, one would hope that we wouldn’t have to rely on a man forming loving and respectful relationships with women before he has a reference point for being able to see them as human beings, but Joe Francis is a special case.

Good lord, I hope these girls have him hell. I hope they grow up to be gorgeous young women and Francis constantly worries that they’re simply being reduced to their beauty instead of celebrated for being talented, interesting people.

I hope they spend every spring break in Cancun and he doesn’t sleep a single night while they’re gone.

I hope one is super rebellious and he is told by her school principal that his girl has gone wild.

I hope the other becomes a feminist scholar and uses her father’s business to examine the danger of unchecked patriarchy and our society’s lack of concern for the exploitation of vulnerable young women.

With any luck, in twenty to thirty years, we will hear how Joe Francis’ experience raising two girls has helped him understand how abusive and sickening his career was as how he personally contributed to our nation’s ass backward way of looking at rape and slut-shaming. We probably won’t forgive him because it’ll be about forty years late and his entire net worth short, but, you know, personal evolution.