Jim Carrey invoked the oft-abused “I can say whatever I want as long as I follow it with a ‘just kidding’ within 24 hours” clause in explaining his creepy video love letter to Emma Stone, admitting today that he was just joshing. Sort of.
Tweeted the Pet Detective-cum-serial beloved children’s book-ruiner,
Yes, my msg to Emma Stone was a comedy routine and the funniest part is that everything i said is tru. People often ask me if i’m being funny or serious. The answer is “YES”. ?;^]
Public “confession” of love to a partnered/uninterested party? Under the guise of “just being honest?” Assumption that such an emotion dump will somehow make the subject of the love confession feel good about herself? Self effacing comments meant to paint message giver as ugly on the outside but containing such a beautiful, giving soul?
You guys! We’re just one square away from Nice Guy Bingo! (Remaining square: Gets angry or upset at subject of confession for not reciprocating feelings, possible confusion over why that stupid bitch doesn’t like a nice guy like him.) [HuffPo]
- Mariah Carey’s infant twins Monroe and Moroccan cannot yet walk but have 50 pairs of shoes and diamond safety pins fasten the cloths into which they release their diva spawn shit. When the twins learn how to walk, Mariah will continue her trend of jumping the gun with things that her kids don’t yet need by stocking their jewel encrusted graphing calculators. When they turn 8, she’ll buy them both new cars. By age 12, she’ll start sending Stanford University tuition money every year. And when they get married, she’ll bestow upon each of them a collection of the finest collectible wheelchairs with chrome rims. [ONTD]
- Kathy Griffin mocked Jim Carrey’s creepy video by making one of her own, this one directed toward 2011 winner of the Annual Pervert’s Choice Award, Justin Bieber. [Hollywood Reporter]
- Melissa Gilbert, who some of you may remember as the child actress who played Laura Ingalls Wilder on TV, has filed for divorce. A Little House Divided cannot stand. [CBS]
- Extree, Extree! Read all about it! Kim Kardashian’s magical mystery honeymoon in Italy interrupted by capra hircus shenanigans! Goats flood the road! Pandemonium in the streets! Stop the presses! A Kardashian is mildly inconvenienced! [Us]
- And speaking of stupid shit that doesn’t matter, Leah Remini is leaving that show that’s sort of like The View, but sassier! (The Talk) and Kris Jenner, the JD Salinger of the Kardashian clan, will be making a rare television appearance when she temporarily fills in for her next month. [MSNBC]
- Metallica guitarists James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett started crying while recording some stuff with Lou Reed. God, I hope they used a tandem hanky to dab away their feelings juices before resuming rock. [Contact Music]
- Lindsay Lohan,, in a historic and original move that will surely be recorded on the gold’n scroll of Fath’r Tyme, became the first actress ever to channel Marilyn Monroe in a photoshoot today. What bravery. What innovation. Praise The Lorde for her Talenttes. [Perez]
- Ex reality TV star Kristin Cavallari decided to save America today by accepting a Twitter invitation to attend the Marine Corps Ball. I suspect Cavallari’s motivation to accept the invite might not have been a sense of pride in honoring her country’s servicemen and women, but rather to shame her ex-fiancee, ex-good football player Jay Cutler of the ex-not-shitty Chicago Bears. Either way I think this might be the tipping point in the war on terror. Or the war on drugs. Or the war on serenity. [TMZ]
- Kelly Bensimon says her body is “like a Ferrari.” Made in Italy, difficult to travel with, only comes in manual transmission, not good with children, often seen with douchebags? Gassy? Comparing your body to a car is stupid, especially in a fitness magazine, which is (at least partially) about being an organism. [OMG]
- Adulthood is finally imminent for Miley Cyrus. Her brother’s girlfriend is pregnant, and Miley’s going to be an aunt, which is, like, an auto-adultification machine. Seriously. Have you ever met a four year old uncle? They’re like tiny foppish old men. They smoke pipes and read the Wall Street Journal and are usually very fastidious about their sweater vests. [Showbiz Spy]
- Anne Hathaway is partnering with a British hip hop artist to record her rap that includes the lines,
- Yo I’m a paparazzi/ I don’t play no Yahtzee/I go pap-pap-pap my camera’s up your crutch/ See I tell the truth from what I see and sell it to Perez Hilty
- Carefree chirpy twentysomething girl rap is wrong on all of the levels, like Mary Poppins porn. [Contact Music]
- Bla bla Jennifer Aniston bla bla her boyfriend bla bla moving in together bla bla a baby at last! Jennifer Aniston- trying-for-baby is the most popular genre of celebrity fanfiction of all time. [Showbiz Spy]
- Image via AP
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