Jillian Michaels' Decision To Quit "The Biggest Loser" Is Killing Me Softly

America’s favorite sadistic/hot weight loss coach Jillian Michaels will no longer be making America cry in pain on TV, as she wants a baby. Remember eight months ago, when she was all, “I’d never do that to my body“?

Yes, she did a public 180, and yes, she did it within a year, but Michaels, who is 36, is not being a hypocrite at all here. People grow and change, and a woman’s decision to have children or not is complicated and personal. Watching Michaels publicly change her tune about reproducing especially resonates with me.

When she originally went on Jillian’s Piss Off America’s Mothers Tour 2010, people were upset that she’d imply that bearing child was something that was insurmountably bad for her body and career, but I could relate. Even though it’s totally biologically unfair to us havers of uteruses, bearing a child puts you out of commission for a lot of high impact physical activity for at least a few months, and once the baby’s born, it takes awhile for the body to recover.

Even though my career isn’t based on being aggressively fit and screaming at the obese like Michaels, a baby would seriously sideline me as well. If I were to get pregnant today (by some horribly unwanted Christmas miracle) and I chose to carry the pregnancy to term, I’d have to shelf my goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon next year, and possibly the year after that. I’d have to stop drinking whiskey. I’d have to give up sushi. I’d have to buy new pants. The sacrifices that I’d have to make to have a child, at this point, make having a child unappealing (because, I mean, new pants? Ugh. Like I have time to buy new pants). In fact, at this point, I’m not sure if I ever want to have children, if it will ever be worth it to me in my specific circumstances.

I made the mistake of telling my mother about this realization when it hit me about a month ago.

“Mom,” I said, “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’m not sure I ever want to have a baby. It’s just such a sacrifice. I don’t know if I’m cut out for it.”

“But you always said you wanted babies!” she replied, incredulous.

“Yeah, but that’s before I realized how much I like not having kids. I like kids, but, like, for 2 hours at a time. Then, it’s back to my apartment for quiet time.”

This didn’t go over well. My mother’s a kind, mostly non-judgmental person who has never pressured me to “give her grandbabies” or any other such horrors I’ve heard of from other mothers of unmarried women in their late 20’s, but she seemed to take my proclamation somewhat personally. After a few minutes of very carefully chosen words, she told me that I’ll probably change my mind.

No one was telling me I’d change my mind when I was sure I wanted children of my own. And while I’m happy for Jillian Michaels and hope she is able to raise the family she wants to raise, I hope that her change of heart doesn’t add fuel to the “you’ll change your mind” brigade. I might, and I might not. So what?