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Jill Biden and Symone Sanders Protect the QB

Illustration for article titled Jill Biden and Symone Sanders Protect the QB

Last night, during her husband’s Super Tuesday victory speech, Jill Biden showed the world her value as a center when she spotted the trick play and moved to protect her husband, as protestors stormed his victory stage to denounce dairy. When she saw the vegans coming to attack her man with signs, Jill put her body in front of Joe Biden and signaled for the rest of the offense to swoop in and protect the Quarterback before using her full reach to push a protestor back.

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Simultaneously, rushing in from nowhere and protecting the blind side, Symone Sanders flew on stage, bear-hugged a protestor and pulled her away, like she was saving a final pass attempt in the Super Bowl. Jill Biden’s husband continued with his speech, untouched by the protestors screaming “let dairy die,” which seems counterintuitive to the vegan agenda. There is no quarterback currently playing that has experienced this level of complete protection. The two have already been compared to the legendary Legion of Boom by absolutely no one but me right now.

I, an unofficial representative for the Seattle Seahawks, select Jill Biden and Symone Sanders as the first and second draft pick for the 2020 class. It doesn’t matter that this isn’t how drafts work, it’s happening.

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According to our sideline reporter, Twitter, Sanders is currently on the injured list but is expected to return later in the season. In what will certainly be the offensive play of the year—of the decade?—Sanders suffered a broken nail and it’s unclear if nail technicians have cleared her for practice. The league commissioner has yet to comment when contract negotiation for Biden and Sanders will begin.

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DISCUSSION

chillywonker
PhoebeCaulfieldTheThird

I find it telling that in the video that both times that someone charges forward, Jill steps in to protect Joe and he just stands there behind her. He doesn’t even turn back to the podium until she “there, there”s him. He’s just standing there looking confused.