Jezebel's Advent Calendar of Crap, Day 10: A Rosemary's Baby Remake???

Illustration for article titled Jezebels Advent Calendar of Crap, Day 10: A Rosemarys Baby Remake???

It wasn't enough for NBC to announce it would annually desecrate a beloved musical, in what may be the worst commercial holiday tradition of all time (worse even than the Lexus December to Remember Sales Event). No, today the network also announced it's green lit a four-hour miniseries remake of Rosemary's Baby. Welcome to today's edition of Jezebel's Advent Calendar of Crap.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, production begins in January; casting starts immediately so keep your smelling salts handy. They'll probably cast Taylor Swift or somebody as Rosemary. Hey, why not add a musical number while you're at it? The changes have already begun, with the relocation of the story from New York City (the setting of the book and 1968 movie) to Paris.


Why Paris? Why not, I guess. "Sure, whatever." — some NBC exec.

Admittedly, it's actually Lionsgate TV making this thing, so it's not the same team responsible for The Sound of Music, Live! Agnieszka Holland, an Oscar and Emmy nominated director (for Europa and Treme, respectively) has been hired to direct. And classic movies aren't actually sacred texts. (I actually enjoyed the Keira Knightley version of Pride and Prejudice, for instance.)

But Jesus, how lazy can NBC get? This is unnecessary—anyone seeking the creepy thrills of the original should just watch American Horror Story—and very obviously a mere stunt. "Look what we did to something you loved!" it practically shouts. "DVR The Walking Dead because you have got to see this blasphemy!" This statement practically admits as much:

"As we move into the event movie and miniseries space, Rosemary's Baby represents the kind of attention-getting, surprising project that will make noise for us," NBC Entertainment president Jennifer Salke said. "The story has been updated and moved to Paris, but it's faithful to the spirit of Ira Levin's classic novel. This is a compelling tale wonderfully told."


Not to put too fine a point on it, but barf.

Why is NBC doing this to us? Could it be possible that, in fact, NBC has been seized by sadistic Satanists and they are now just taunting us with their power to put whatever they like on our television screens? Is this a special kind of hell devised just for Jezebel staff and readers? Did the entire cast of The Sound of Music, Live! gather for a celebratory glass of sherry and a rousing chorus of hail, Satan! after the show concluded?


One thing's for sure: it's going to be fun working in the FCC's department for handling complaints from evangelicals that night.

Photo credit: AP Images

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Make it a feature film, casting Michelle Williams and Bradley Cooper, speaking in French. Then I'd watch it.