The opening event of the Jezebel Olympics was a contentious battle for first place with one athlete being docked points due to late submission. As a sideline reporter, I was able to get exclusive access to Emily Alford’s athletic trainers, who tell me she will be back in prime condition for the next round.
Contestants faced off, literally, in a competition to see who could pull off the most Tyra-approved smize with the added challenge of wearing a CDC-recommended face mask. A team of anonymous impartial judges was assembled by lead Olympic official Clover Hope to choose a winner.
Each contestant did their best with their own interpretation of the smize with the early favorite being Rich, who says, “I did not cheat and smile with my mouth.” Could he have been throwing shade to his fierce rival Megan who admitted to “grinning maniacally” under her mask? It’s possible. But with Megan and Rich out of the running for gold, silent killer Hazel was able to manifest the most authentic smize of the pack, winning over the judges in a split decision. “I think I succeeded here, even if my smize is more joyful than sultry, which is what I associate with the Tyra-style smize,” says Hazel.
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