Jessica Chastain needs our help. The Oscar-nominated version of Bryce Dallas Howard revealed today that her grandmother’s dog, Livvy, was stolen from a Vallejo, California, McDonald’s Wednesday evening. Chastain is offering a reward for Livvy’s safe return, so it’s time for us to get to work.

I fear Vallejo on account of the fact that I associate it with the Zodiac killer, but strongly urge those braver than I to travel to the ghostly California town and seek Livvy out. She is a small, Shih Tzu-seeming dog with sad eyes and what I presume to be a gentle disposition. Because she was stolen from one in an incident that Chastain unfortunately decided to avoid describing in any detail, we can also assume Livvy fears McDonald’s, as she very likely associates the golden arches with terror and abandonment. So be sure to check everywhere but area McDonald’s locations.

If you’re lucky enough to find Livvy—perhaps as she’s chilling at a Vallejo Jack In the Box or Popeye’s—please ship her to the Jezebel offices (via services like PetAirCarrier) and I will make all the necessary arrangements for the animal’s return to Chastain and her “devastated” grandmother.

I promise not to take full credit for your actions and keep the entire reward for myself.


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