While you were staggering home in a prosecco haze, celebrities were still out partying, and here's some post-Oscar nuggets for you to munch on. Okay, so yeah, Jennifer Lawrence fell down on her way to collect her Best Actress Oscar. We can perhaps attribute this to her previous confession that she was planning to get shithoused during the ceremony, and also because Lawrence and most of these women are wearing fucking TORTURE CHAMBER dresses and heels that are stilts, and those two things don't jive well. (It was either that or the Lena Dunham Golden Globes waddle.) Anyway, she accidentally/on purpose gave someone the finger in the press room after her win and then looked shocked. Amazing. [Just Jared]
After that, she went to Soho House in Hollywood and had an "intense conversation" with Leonardo DiCaprio while resting her hand on Bradley Cooper's shoulder, which drew "envious stares from other women." [Page Six]
While Seth MacFarlane flirted with the boundaries of propriety, The Onion was pushing the limits on Twitter: a tweet from the satirical publication, deleted about an hour it was posted, read "Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a cunt, right?" Naturally, it set Twitter alight. GOD, her dog purse is so much more important than any of this. [HuffPo]
Unsurprisingly, Elton John's huge annual Oscars party beat the one you went to last night, particularly because it benefited the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Heidi Klum wore a very low-cut dress ("A lot of people are complimenting my dress, but they aren't looking into my eyes when they say it"... "I'm worried about it because my boobs could fall into my dinner, so I'm being very careful."), Anna Paquin used a lint brush on Stephen Moyer, Matthew Morrison, Chris Colfer, Bono, Kim Kardashian, Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj were also in attendance. And then they all fucked. JK. [Page Six]
BAAH, and also John and David Furnish's son Zachary Furnish-John in a babytuxedo. [Hello Magazine]
Jim Carrey was there too, and he wore huge fake feet. I worry about him. [vh1]
Oh and Britney Spears, who is NOW A BRUNETTE. Life, forever altered. [Daily Mail]
Why was Kristen Stewart limping and cranky at the Oscars? She stepped on broken glass.
Anne Hathaway, holding her new Oscar, ran into Kristen Stewart, who was on crutches, backstage.
"Oh no!" Hathaway said.
"I know, I'm an idiot," Stewart replied. "But congratulations!"
"Please tell me you're going on stage with those," Hathaway said, pointing to the crutches.
"Nope. I'm gonna hobble," Stewart said.
"Well, break a leg," Hathaway said. "Oops."
Meenwhilez, Christina Applegate married her longtime boyfriend Martyn LeNoble, the father of her 2-year-old daughter Sadie Grace in a small private ceremony on top of a mountain, and there were flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And they danced 'till the sun rose, and their children will form a family band, and you were not invited. [Us Weekly]
- Renee Zelwegger did not look like herself. [Daily Mail]
- Harvey Weinstein's daughter Lily came up with the idea to have Michelle Obama introduce last night's Best Picture nominees. [Independent UK]
- Meanwhile, Charlize Theron rushed to help an Academy Awards security guard who was having a seizure. She's the best. [E!]
- Oh, man, that Chris Brown/Rihanna joke that Oscars host Seth MacFarlane made last night. Damn. [HuffPo]
- And a full roundup of the sexist jokes by MacFarlane are here. [The Cut/NY Mag]
- D'aww, Jamie Foxx took his daughter Corrine to the ceremony 8 years after the first time he took her, when he was nominated for Ray. (She was 11.) [People]
- There is now a Twitter devoted to Anne Hathaway's Oscar-dress nipples. (It was just the darts of the dress, you guys, I think?) [Twitter]
- "George Clooney showing off a freshly grown beard for a new role at the Night Before Gala at the Beverly Hills Hotel." Way to go with the subtle allusion to the copious Smirkface Silverfox gay rumors, Page Six. Very classy. [Page Six]
- Katie Holmes went to L.A. for an ICM Oscars party and my boyfriend Christoph Waltz was there. (New best friends? Would be so fun and incongruous!) [Page Six]
- At the Oscars last night Halle Berry looked so awesome in an Ayn Rand heroine kind of way. (Under ordinary circumstances, that would be an insult, but the Oscars are so YOLO!) [HuffPo]
- Akon is being sued by a guy who says he stage-dove right on top of him. [TMZ]
- Ryan Lochte is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, consuming, can't-live-without-each other love. And he hopes to find it on his E! reality show because that's usually where it is, right? [NYDN]
- Newsflash: Lindsay Lohan fucks up her taxes regularly. [TMZ]
- Oh, okay, Octomom has a medical marijuana prescription. [TMZ]
- Janet Jackson has a boyfriend. Also, we as a human race need to stop using the word "slizzard." [Bossip]
- Gerard Butler, Josh Hartnett, Shaun White, Rose McGowan and other people not at the Oscars did karaoke in L.A. [Page Six]
- Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite has a twin brother who impersonates him without his consent and now they are estranged. NEWS. [TMZ]
- "He sang his sweet song so sweetly and paused for a moment's lull/ I gently raised the window and crushed his fucking skull." Elvis Presley's personal letters are up for sale in England. [Contact Music]
- LOLZ: "Diddy telling a pal of a movie project, "I want the character to be like Matthew McConaughey." Hollywood is the silliest. [Page Six]
- Tiger Woods and Elin Nordgren are back together. [TMZ]