Screenshot: KAMR Local 4 News

At around 6'4” and 1.5 tons, Knickers the Holstein Friesian is “unofficially Australia’s biggest steer,” according to the Sunday Times. A fact that apparently saved his life. “It was too heavy. I wouldn’t be able to put it through a processing facility,” Geoff Pearson, Knickers’s would be executioner, told the paper. “So I think it will just live happily ever after.”

Cool, I guess. Except I’ve seen bigger. It was May of last year or the year before. The cow I saw was probably 7 feet, easy. Maybe on 91st Street? By the post office. I didn’t take a picture because I try to live in the moment.