It's Really Not Too Late to Change Your Mind

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Will Joe Biden and Beto O’Rourke run for president? Maybe. Will they continue to do coy shit that seems to answer the question but not really until everyone dies from exhaustion? Probably.


On Wednesday morning, Senator Chris Coons told CNN that he is “confident” Biden will run for president.

“He’s 95 percent there, and everything that needs to be in place for him to have a strong and successful launch is being put together,” Coons said, before launching into a list of ways in which the former vice president’s run will pull America together. (Like this list, maybe?)

And earlier this week, Biden himself fed the fire of speculation at
the International Association of Firefighters conference, where he responded to chants of “Run, Joe, Run!” with: “Save it a little longer, I may need it in a few weeks.” No you save it, Joe!

It’s the political equivalent of edging, but it appears to be the closest we’ll get to a solid “yes” before it’s official:

Meanwhile, former Congressman Beto O’Rourke is reportedly ready to “push the button” on his 2020 campaign. It doesn’t sound like a “please... Beto... chill...” button either.


From CNN:

Aware that the 2020 Democratic primary is quickly taking shape, O’Rourke is set to announce his candidacy this week, rather than launching an exploratory committee.

He will also travel to eastern Iowa beginning Thursday with a meet-and-greet event in Burlington, Democratic sources in the state said.


Still, it’s not too late for either of these men to change their mind. Really, it’s not! O’Rourke can go back to Texas, seductively discuss steak seasonings, and mull over another 2020 Senate run; he could potentially unseat John Cornyn, who sucks!

Biden can retire to Delaware and spend time in the warm embrace of his wife, Jill, and their new dog.


Take care of your dog, Joe:


I don’t know. Think about it, guys.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


So That Happened

I know it will never happen, but I would love to see the US adopt campaign rules like they have in other countries, which forbid starting your campaign more than a few months before the actual election. America is a big place, but six months seems like more than enough time to get your message out. This permanent campaigning is exhausting and so expensive that it all but ensures the continuation of oligarchical rule.

Also, let’s pull a BBC and forbid any mention of voting results until the entire country has officially voted, please and thank you.