We are motoring right along, friends, in the ALL-IMPORTANT DEATH MATCH that is, in fact, a celebration of LIFE! As we enter round two, let me remind you of our only rule, or at least the best way to vote: you are voting for the thing you like better, so ultimately the two things you like the BEST end up battling it in the ultimate round of whether Childhood or Adulthood is better. If you vote for the thing you hate more, you have played yourself!

In yesterday’s round, 71.9 percent of you preferred Ikea (9) to Paying for Everything (8), which is not totally surprising but perhaps a bit lower than I expected; 28.1 percent of you really hate particle board. A full 80.34 percent voted for An Actual Car (But It’s Probably Not Pink) (5) over Hating Your Corporate Overlord (12) which is understandable; a closer heat was the match up between Actually Cleaning up After Your Pet (13), which squeaked by Wearing a Mouthguard to Combat Stress-Grinding (4) 57 to 43.

Jake Tapper Is Hot (11) won out over Menopause (11) with a 73.12 percent lead, which is not surprising, and Getting a Raise (14) absolutely trounced Applying to The Wing (3), though that’s apparently because you think we were being too New York-centric in our choice rather than The Wing being obnoxious. Look, I’m from Wyoming, the most ignored (and ignorable) state in America, let me live a little! Anyway, The Wing got a record low of just .79 percent of the vote. Ouch! Also, 87.95 percent of you prefer Obsessing That the Things You Don’t Understand Make You an Idiot (10) to Diapers (7), and 88.6 percent would rather be Extremely Tired of Celebrity Gossip (15) than Not Voting and Feeling Guilty About it for 20 Years (2).

I can’t believe that a full 92.71 percent of you prefer Short Vacations But With Alcohol (9) to Talking Shit On Twitter (8); where is your commitment to the PETTY? You must like booze, too, because 72.05 percent of you chose Wine In a Box (12) over Hating Yourself for Eating Candy for Dinner (5). I also wonder what’s going on with the 3.71 percent of you who chose Chlamydia (13) over Subtle Foreplay in the Club (4); I’m assuming you just don’t go to the club rather than you have a chlamydia fetish. But, shit, to each her own. You do you.

Sixty-one point 39 percent of you are more into Thinking About Getting Into Meditation (11) than #NoNewFriends (6), which is pretty kind of you; I am also getting heavy relaxed vibes from the numbers in the Flannel Nightgowns (14) versus Smoking Cannabis Oil From a Pen (3), the former won with 61.53 percent.

Advertisement

You love to chill, though; Forgetting to Wear Makeup (7) beat out Live-Action Adaptations of Cartoons (10) with 69.52 percent (nice) and finally, Going to Bed Hella Early (15) won over Attempting Recipes From Pinterest (2) with 72.89 percent.

This is getting competitive! Enter round two! Let’s start with the Childhood Work Division:

Is Being Forced to Read for School (1) better than Everything is Free (8)? Would you rather drive a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin Jeep Wrangler (5) than Promise to Clean Up After Your Pet (3)? Do you prefer Getting an A (14) to thinking that Tom Brokaw is Boring (1)? Is Ignoring Things You Don’t Understand (10) preferable to that feeling of Wanting to Be a Movie Star When You Grow Up (5)? You tell me!

And in Childhood Play, similar tough questions present themselves.

Hand Stuff (1) faces off against Long Summer Vacations (9), but is that tougher than choosing between Juice Boxes (12) and Innocent Grinding at School Dances (4)? What about the sweet tradeoff between Making Best Friends by Saying “Hi” (6) and Footie Pajamas (14)? Would you rather watch Cartoons (10) than Sneaking Out After Curfew (15)?

Meanwhile, over in Adulthood Work:

The age-old question of hygge (and which is hygge-er) meets its match in the heat between “Really Trying to Find Time to Read” (1) and Ikea (9). An Actual Car (But It’s Probably Not Pink) (5) is fun, but more fun than Actually Cleaning Up After Your Pet (3)? Another toughie: would you give up Jake Tapper Is Hot (11) for Getting a Raise (14), and is it better Obsessing That The Things You Don’t Understand Make You An Idiot (10) or Getting Extremely Tired of Celebrity Gossip (15)?

In the Adulthood Play Division:

Would you give up Mouth Stuff (1) for Short Summer Vacations, But With Alcohol (9)? Would you (gasp) choose Wine in a Box (12) over Subtle Foreplay in the Club (4)? In more hygge life choices, do you like Thinking About Getting Into Meditation (11) or Flannel Nightgowns (14) more, and finally, is Forgetting to Wear Makeup (7) better than Going to Bed Hella Early (15) or what? See, adulthood is a series of choices!

You have 24 hours to vote! Choose wisely!