We are motoring right along, friends, in the ALL-IMPORTANT DEATH MATCH that is, in fact, a celebration of LIFE! As we enter round two, let me remind you of our only rule, or at least the best way to vote: you are voting for the thing you like better, so ultimately the two things you like the BEST end up battling it in the ultimate round of whether Childhood or Adulthood is better. If you vote for the thing you hate more, you have played yourself!
In yesterday’s round, 71.9 percent of you preferred Ikea (9) to Paying for Everything (8), which is not totally surprising but perhaps a bit lower than I expected; 28.1 percent of you really hate particle board. A full 80.34 percent voted for An Actual Car (But It’s Probably Not Pink) (5) over Hating Your Corporate Overlord (12) which is understandable; a closer heat was the match up between Actually Cleaning up After Your Pet (13), which squeaked by Wearing a Mouthguard to Combat Stress-Grinding (4) 57 to 43.
Jake Tapper Is Hot (11) won out over Menopause (11) with a 73.12 percent lead, which is not surprising, and Getting a Raise (14) absolutely trounced Applying to The Wing (3), though that’s apparently because you think we were being too New York-centric in our choice rather than The Wing being obnoxious. Look, I’m from Wyoming, the most ignored (and ignorable) state in America, let me live a little! Anyway, The Wing got a record low of just .79 percent of the vote. Ouch! Also, 87.95 percent of you prefer Obsessing That the Things You Don’t Understand Make You an Idiot (10) to Diapers (7), and 88.6 percent would rather be Extremely Tired of Celebrity Gossip (15) than Not Voting and Feeling Guilty About it for 20 Years (2).
I can’t believe that a full 92.71 percent of you prefer Short Vacations But With Alcohol (9) to Talking Shit On Twitter (8); where is your commitment to the PETTY? You must like booze, too, because 72.05 percent of you chose Wine In a Box (12) over Hating Yourself for Eating Candy for Dinner (5). I also wonder what’s going on with the 3.71 percent of you who chose Chlamydia (13) over Subtle Foreplay in the Club (4); I’m assuming you just don’t go to the club rather than you have a chlamydia fetish. But, shit, to each her own. You do you.
Sixty-one point 39 percent of you are more into Thinking About Getting Into Meditation (11) than #NoNewFriends (6), which is pretty kind of you; I am also getting heavy relaxed vibes from the numbers in the Flannel Nightgowns (14) versus Smoking Cannabis Oil From a Pen (3), the former won with 61.53 percent.
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