It's a Race to the Bottom on the Real Housewives of New York

Illustration for article titled It's a Race to the Bottom on the Real Housewives of New York

It’s 7:35 pm in the Berkshires, do you know where your sanity is? Remarkably, the Berkshires holiday trip from hell is still is not over and continues on this week’s episode of the Real Housewives of New York, where it feels like the concept of time has ceased to exist.

Since we’ve been muddling through this overnight trip for two episodes now, I think I’ve finally settled on the problem with the mess between LuAnn, Bethenny and (sort of) Carole. Having ebbed and flowed between who is less wrong—because nobody is actually right here—it finally became clear this episode.

The issue is that LuAnn is a hypocrite and a liar but Bethenny and Carole are behaving like such assholes that their legitimate points ring hollow. Bethenny’s gripes do sound like slut shaming but I also believe her when she says that’s not what she’s meaning to do.


I totally believe that LuAnn encroaches on her friends’ boyfriends or objects of affection because LuAnn is a huge flirt. She’s also clearly lying, I’ve decided, about not knowing the extent of Ramona’s relationship with Tom. LuAnn simply didn’t give a shit! She is that friend who is always out to get hers and at 52 years old, it ain’t changing! She’s out in the streets looking like a dime and feeling herself and is the world’s worst wingman. We’ve had eight seasons of this shit. Get used it.

I think LuAnn lives in this rich/famous people bubble where they can act however they like in private and semi-private spaces but when the sun rises, nobody talks about it and she’s doesn’t understand why that code isn’t being honored.

All that being said, I understand LuAnn not wanting to give Carole and Bethenny the satisfaction of admitting her hypocrisy because holy hell in a Hermès bag, they are annoying.

So then there’s Carole. Yes, LuAnn did lambaste Carole for dating a younger man when we’ve seen her with dudes young enough to be outside the millennial generation, but it’s also fair to admit that Carole dating LuAnn’s niece’s ex-boyfriend is not the same as dating some random 25-year-old off the street.


Carole should have exercised the courtesy of giving LuAnn a heads up about Adam sooner and off camera, and it wouldn’t kill her to apologize for that oversight. There was a more tactful way to handle what was a very awkward situation other than screaming, “we’re both adults!” over and over.

I’ve been on Carole’s side throughout most of this but LuAnn is right: At this point, Carole needs to drop it. Calling Carole a pedophile was deeply stupid and obviously rude but that’s like the seventh stupidest thing LuAnn has ever said and I’m not sure why Carole is taking it so seriously. LuAnn can’t even spell pedophile! Literally!

Now we must pause to appreciate the Santa Clause cameo that occurred. Poor Dorinda. Dorinda “made it nice” by forcing her sister to dress up at Santa Clause and pass out enormous wine glasses to everyone. Poor Dorinda.


The next morning, Bethenny and Carole almost leave without saying goodbye which is rude and makes them look like children. Again, they sort of do have the moral high ground here and they’re squandering away all their audience sympathy because they’re suddenly mad they signed onto a show with a bunch of crazy people.

Miraculously, the Berkshires trip finally comes to an end and the ladies are back in Manhattan for Ramona’s sparsely attended holiday party, which means it’s time for the Sonja drama. I have to admit, I still don’t fully understand why Sonja wasn’t invited to the Berkshires and why everyone was so adamant that Dorinda not inviting her was the right decision.


The idea that it was for Bethenny’s sake is dumb because Dorinda invited LuAnn even though Carole would be there. What I’m thinking is that either they’re all projecting and scapegoating Sonja to draw attention away from their substance abuse and eating disorders and shitty taste in men, or there’s some deeper issue that’s not being openly discussed.

Admittedly, though, I really don’t care because in comparison to the LuAnn vs. Bethenny drama, this Sonja shit is small potatoes at the moment.


I’m feeling mixed emotions about living in a world where the Berkshires trip is a thing of the past. While not exactly on the same level as Scary Island, it can easily go down as the second most insane trip in Real Housewives of New York history—just above the St. Barts vacation. Please consider this my official plea to Andy Cohen and Bravo TV to release the full, uncut footage of the Berkshires sleepover so that we have it for posterity. After episodes of screaming, we, the audience, has earned it.


Screenshot via Bravo.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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Bethenny has lost me completely. She has become screechy and humorless, and I am so sick of her self-righteous rants that I actually found myself yelling, “shut the fuck up already” at my TV last night. As for Carole, she has become the human embodiment of Eeyore cloaked in an array of Forever XXI sweaters.

ETA - And LuAnn, you need to burn that red Countess Collection jumpsuit immediately. If Bethenny and Carole were an affront to my ears, that was an affront to my eyes.