Welcome to Is This Shoe OK?, an infrequent column about shoes that may or may not be good, as determined by me—an authority, because I own shoes—and you, in the comments below. In today’s installment, we’re looking at a big-toe heel trend. Like, closed-toe heels that expose your biggest member. On purpose. I don’t know either.
Fashion is often uncomfortable. Wearing art isn’t meant to be easy. It is meant to say something. I’m not sure what this is saying:
Imagine, walking a red carpet, hoping to God to make a good impression on a Getty Images photographer. You want your fit to catch the light. You’ve been practicing your angles. And then, in some inexplicable moment of pure mania, your stylist suggests you drop the Louboutins for a closed-toe heel that, for some reason, exposes only your big toe. Your largest member. Do you do it?
Of course you do. You’re new here. Will you grow to regret it? Of course you will. Do you think Taylor Swift regrets wearing prom gowns to every red carpet event in her adolescence? Probably not, but she should. That was bad, but not nearly as disturbing as this toe situation. Feet are repulsive, why highlight them? These shoes are as if your high school bully, or someone equally as resentful, began working for you. These shoes are actively trying to sabotage you. If someone hands you a pair of these kicks, run. They want you dead. And they will begin the murder with your self-esteem, followed by lobbing off your toe.
Is this shoe okay? I think the fuck not. However, this blog series is meant to be a collaborative effort, so I need your insight, too. Is this shoe okay to you? If so, where are you wearing it? Am I simply bitter and uncreative? Let me know in the comments below. I’m dying to know.