Get out your cork boards and yarn, kids! Because possibly amicable splits and non-acrimonious breakups don’t exist, Page Six has reported that “industry rumors” are afoot which decry Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne’s recent separation as one big conspiracy-laden attention-grab.
Most of the evidence seems to be based on a siting of the pair “arriving together in the same SUV at the Hollywood Palladium for a music event” for the first time since their uncoupling—and allegations of Ozzy’s past indiscretions—became known to the public. (According to People, the concert in question was a promotional event for Black Sabbath’s scheduled performance at the upcoming 20th anniversary celebration of Ozzfest, which is set to occur in September.)
As we all know, men and women who once appeared on an MTV reality show while married are mentally and emotionally incapable of doing anything other than grunting at each other on Twitter. Accordingly, Page Six insists that “insiders whisper that it could have been cooked up by Sharon…to drum up more interest in Ozzy’s Black Sabbath tour,” which will continue its run on June 1. The fact that Sharon is still Ozzy’s band manager is a point that you should just throw out, right now. It’s obviously a ploy set up by the Illuminati.