We’ve had one GOP candidate who is a robotic automaton, one candidate who I am pretty sure is the Incredible Hulk, and another one who is “not” the Zodiac Killer like I am “not” looking at a picture of Donald Trump’s grave right now. But lo, here is a picture of Trump’s grave, which leads me to another conclusion: zombies are real, and they are orange?
A Jezebel tipster sent in photos of a tombstone marked with the name “Donald J. Trump” that he or she purportedly took in Central Park. While I am unable to verify whether the Donald J. Trump on the tombstone is actually that of the billionaire, entrepreneur, and spittle enthusiast, I can confirm that both Trumps share the same middle initial—Trump’s middle name is John—and that both Trumps were born the same year.
No date or year of death is recorded on the grave marker, so yes, whoever this Trump is, he is very much alive—which means any Easter resurrection analogies I’d otherwise be obligated to make are thankfully, THANKFULLY moot.
What makes the appearance of the tombstone even weirder is Drumpf’s well-publicized attempt to build a 548-foot grave at the Bedminster Golf Club in New Jersey, because he definitely isn’t overcompensating for his medium-sized hands or anything.
(One golfer’s comment to CBS on the matter? “Golf and dying are two very different concepts...[golf] has very little to do with dying.” On point, good sir...?)
Then again, Trump apparently thinks that Central Park should only be for white people, according to a comment he made in 2013 related to the vacated convictions of the Central Park 5, so is he attempting for a white supremacist stake-out or something?
Let’s solve this mystery, please, or at least come up with some satirical #NotMyZombieCandidate hashtag campaign.
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