Iranian Cleric Blames Impending Earthquake on Women’s Clothes

A prominent cleric in Iran has warned his fellow countrymen that if there’s an earthquake a comin’, it’s probably because of women who wear “revealing” dresses, since, as geologists have known for years now, earthquakes are nothing more than the deep belly laughter of the Earth as she laughs in utter frustration at not being allowed to wear flattering dresses herself.

According to a brief report from One India, Cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi told Iran’s state media that women who do not dress in a “dignified manner lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society.” The connection to seismic activity is admittedly a little thin, but Sedighi was quick to point out that there is only one solution for anyone who doesn’t want to be swallowed into the Earth’s mantle and journey to the center of the earth — seek refuge in Islam.

Seismologists have predicted that a major earthquake is headed towards Tehran in the not-too-distant future, and their warnings have been so terrifying that even President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has urged Tehran’s 12 million residents to GTFO before the city tears itself apart like Los Angeles in 2012. John Cusack will not be there to save anyone, especially not if he sees any women dressed immodestly.