Earlier this week, we proposed giving Christine O'Donnell the Santorum treatment, such that we might assign an appropriate definition to "odonnell." After soliciting your suggestions, Jezebel is proud to declare the new meaning of the word.
First of all, your responses were staggering. In addition to one piece of illiterate hate mail, there were your hundreds of comments, many of which made me involuntarily shudder. I received dozens of your truly vile suggestions via e-mail. (Including one awful proposed definition that used the word "salamagundi," at which I smiled.) And one of you sent a quite loathsome painting. I'm thoroughly disgusted. Thanks!
From this day forward, in honor of the bigoted and nonsensical Republican senatorial candidate Christine O'Donnell, an "odonnell" shall be known as:
Odonnell n. \ō-ˈdä-nəl\
An unwelcome and decidedly unsexy thought that pops into an individual's mind while they are masturbating.
Odonnell n. \ō-ˈdä-nəl\
The feeling of horror mixed with shame one gets while masturbating and inadvertently thinking of something which is the antithesis of sexual pleasure.
"I was having a quick wank and, suddenly, I had an odonnell image of Nancy Reagan getting a prune juice enema."
Christine O'Donnell — the woman who claims she wouldn't legislate against self-love, but says nonetheless that masturbation is sinful and shameful — is herself a total bonerkiller. So it's only appropriate that her surname should come to stand for something disgusting that interrupts your thought processes when you are, to use Woody Allen's phrase, merely having sex with someone you love. An odonnell is as unwelcome an intrusion as it would be if the esteemed Tea Party candidate herself were to burst into your bedroom, living room, shower, and/or other preferred location for flicking the bean/peeling the banana.
Sadly, odonnells afflict us all, from time to time. Many an orgasm has fallen victim to the momentary intrusion of an odonnell, and often, as soon as you've had an odonnell, it becomes a total Don't Think About Elephants kinda situation. But we no longer have to bear the Frustration That Dare Not Speak Its Name in silence. Because masturbation — despite being so manifestly part of healthy, normal human sexuality, and despite being so fun — is still unaccountably controversial in American culture, it may be difficult to get this word into the lexicon. But we must try. So put that shit on Urban Dictionary, build it a website, Like it on Facebook, Tweet it, blog it, Photoshop it into pictures of...stuff — do whatever it is you do on the Interwebs with it. But most importantly, use it in conversation. After all, the first step to overcoming odonnell is talking about odonnell! You can start by sharing your worst odonnell stories — as well as any tips for shaking an odonnell loose — in the comments.
Hat-tip: Dan Savage