Important Summer Reminder: Freeze All Your Treats

This, but me with Thin Mints and lemon bars and Nutty Bars.
This, but me with Thin Mints and lemon bars and Nutty Bars.
Image: Getty

Now that summer has arrived in all her sweaty glory, it is time to dedicate ourselves to maximizing the pleasures this season offers, while minimizing its potential discomforts. One trick: Putting basically any sweet treat into your freezer for a while before eating it.

Advertisement

Obviously, everyone knows about the summertime virtues of ice cream and popsicles, which we all expect to eat straight out of the freezer. But really, this appliance can do so much more than deliver our specially designed frozen treats as they were meant to be served. There are so many other things you can put in there! I’m not sure I realized until I was a grown adult that you could eat those Little Debbie Nutty Bars any way other than out of the freezer. Why would eat some half-melted mess when you could bite straight into a thin chocolate covering that would stick to your tongue for a moment of brief, glorious wintery pain?

Is there anything that isn’t better straight out of the freezer? Let’s survey:

  • Lemon bars: better.
  • Large Reese’s peanut butter cups: better.
  • Regular cookies: not better.
  • Weed cookies: better (I’m told).
  • Half-melted chocolate bars: better, frozen into weird shapes.
  • Grapes: better.
  • Bananas: probably would be better if I liked bananas in the first place.
  • Watermelon: better.
  • Chocolate chips: just as good, if not better.
  • Greek yogurt: absolutely do not eat frozen Greek yogurt, in my opinion.
  • Thin Mints: much better.
  • A Payday bar: better, but be careful not to break your teeth.
  • Nutty Bars: again, really not sure you can technically can eat them any other way.

The numbers don’t lie: Almost anything is better if you eat it out of the freezer on a hot day. Try it with literally anything and please report back.

Senior Editor at Jezebel, specializing in books, royals, romance novels, houses, history, and the stories we tell about domesticity and femininity. Resident Windsor expert.

DISCUSSION

imeldasnarkos
Cunctator

Buy frozen mangoes. They’re cheap as hell compared with fresh and make you stop sweating for like two goddamn seconds when you eat them half-thawed.