On Sunday, I got stuck in a manhole cover. How mortifying. I’m just a typical German ratte, not looking to get famous. In fact, I abhor attention, preferring instead to scurry on the fringes of respectable society with my 2,348,391 siblings and children under the cover of night. I’m slightly embarrassed to even tell you about what happened to me last weekend, but since the BBC has already covered my dramatic rescue, I’m here to tell my side of the story.

First things first. How did I get there, you might be asking yourself? Easy. Winters in Germany are rough. I ate a lot of trash to add some bulk in the hope I might survive until spring, and well, you can imagine the rest.

You may also be wondering whether I love my body. To be honest, I never really gave my size much thought until I got stuck in the sewer grate. I was always more concerned about getting caught in a rat trap and having my head brutally snapped off than whether or not my hips were too wide, but now my eyes have been opened to the ways that society is not set up to accommodate women like me.

The BBC called me “fat,” “chunky,” and “rotund.” I’m a little disturbed by the focus on my girth instead of the structural inequality my story highlights (holes on sewer manholes are clearly too small), but I hope that all of the attention I’m receiving will shine a light on German society.

Anyway, here’s a photo of the stick I was rescued with:

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Some people are questioning whether my rescue was a good use of public resources, to which I say, yeah, I kind of agree. I see your point. But luckily for me, the local animal rescue in Bensheim (that’s the town above the sewer where I live) believes rats like me are worthy of time and attention. “Even animals that are hated by many, deserve respect,” Michael Sehr said.

Thank you, Michael.