I'm So Sorry, But Ansel Elgort Is About to Release an Erotic Bathtub Music Video

Image via screenshot/Instagram.
Image via screenshot/Instagram.

It is jarring to me that Ansel Elgort, alias DJ Ansolo, continues to manifest. Why? It seems like there are other things I should be paying attention to right now, and yet here he is, shining pubescent face rising out of my Twitter and Instagram feeds like I want him there.


The great zen master Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote, “We are very afraid of being powerless. But we have the power to look deeply at our fears, and then fear cannot control us.” But what about when Ansel Elgort is about to release a very sexual music video starring himself and his girlfriend Violetta, of all people? What about when these two nearly-teens are so smug and nude and weird about it that I have to sprint into a phone room and do wall sits until my legs burn?


“Thief” was filmed by yet another Elgort, Warren, who is Ansel’s brother. Here’s a full version via one of Ansel’s Instagram stories, and you will not believe it, but he does bedroom eyes the entire time:

For the record: I do not like this song, I do not like this video, and I do not like this world.

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.

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Imma go right back to pretending that neither Miles Teller nor Ansel Elgort exist. This Warren person is likely on the list as well.