I'm Doing Fine! I Swear to God, I'm Doing Fine
Latest

You might have seen me in the news recently. I know, it’s pretty shocking. For 13 years, my family has ruled as the kings and queens of reality television. We have shaped international news, we have utterly changed the global pop culture landscape, and with our sheer power, have proliferated hundreds of trends and styles. It’s all over now, though. Keeping Up With the Kardashians will soon be a distant memory. And so I took a drive.
You could ask me how it got to this point. I probably wouldn’t have an answer for you. All I wanted was for my family to be the most powerful group of people alive. Now, that dream is slipping from my grasp. It’s all just a bit much for me, you know? Some of my daughters are asking how I’m coping. My oldest, Kimberly, is going through a lot, so I smile and tell her I’m fine. The youngest is a little busy eating out at Nobu every night, and we have a big media push happening around her status as a billionaire—she really is a billionaire—which is a lot on her plate already. Who knows what my sweet Kendall is up to. Khloé does what she can to cheer me up. I can’t tell if Kourtney is ignoring me, or if I’m ignoring Kourtney. I know when I eventually call her, she’ll gloat, and say she told me so. She didn’t even want any of this anyway.
I’ve been feeling weird. I told my therapist about a book I read, set right as Romulus Augustus was deposed by Flavius Ocoacer as ruler of the Roman Empire, ending over 500 years of the greatest civilization in history. She asked me to talk about the dreams I’m having. I told her how, a few nights ago, I dreamed of a great white obelisk that was slowly turning to dust. Eons passed in my dream. Whenever I tried to scream, no sounds came out. Will anyone even remember me, in 500 years?