I'm Abandoning My Family to Sign Up for Peacock's New 'Regency-Style' Dating Show

If the phrase, "I love you most ardently" doesn't set your panties ablaze, then find a different show

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Dating shows are absolutely and utterly ridiculous and seldom result in any sort of long-lasting couple. Knowing all this, I have decided to throw away my marriage and pursue my newfound dream of being a contestant in Peacock’s new dating series Pride & Prejudice: An Experiment in Romance. The show appears to be a Bachelorette adjacent dating series with the special twist of transporting participants back in time to a romanticized version of Jane Austen’s novels. Well, the Cliffnotes, at least.

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According to Variety, “A group of eligible hopeful suitors will have to win the heart of the heroine and her court. Housed in a castle in the countryside, the heroine and suitors will experience that with which dreams are made of. From carriage rides and boat rides on the lake to archery and handwritten letters to communicate, they will be immersed in a time-traveling quest for love.” I am bewitched, body and soul.

I am simply tickled pink at the thought of a gaggle of men standing around the English countryside wearing trousers that go up to their nipples and jackets that go down to their knees learning to perform archery while a woman and her court sit under some parasols and think about what in their lives drove them to this point. I want to watch these women, but I also want to be one of these women.

If you, like me, are dying to put your life on hold to be a part of this absolutely wild concept, the show has put out a casting call already. The application consists of 50 questions, which range from basic bio and demographic information to more poignant detail like, “Why do you think you are single,” and “When it comes to dating, is chivalry important to you? Explain and provide examples if applicable.” The application also requires links to all of your social media, including TikTok. I do not have a TikTok, but since it appears to be mandatory, I will be getting one soon with the handle @bookmeonthepeacockshow. I also look forward to dropping a fully researched essay in response to the question, “Does modern day dating frustrate you? Why or why not?” I am the happiest creature in the world.

I think I would make a great member of the heroine’s court—never mind that the heroine having a court makes no sense, unless she is supposed to be a princess, which would also make no sense because this is ALLEGEDLY based on Jane Austen—because I am extremely untrusting and believe all men are inherently evil. You need this level of saltiness to navigate the cutthroat world of Regency-era dating because who knows if the man is there for you or if he just wants your father’s farmland? These are important questions a heroine might not have time to ask herself. Peacock, I am ready to abandon my life as it currently exists to support this; please call me.

DISCUSSION

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The Ghost of James Madison's Rage Boner

They need to add a part where the contestants have to rush out and get married because the chaperone looked the wrong way for five seconds.

Also, duels.